It's You That Gets Me High
by Dye-my-hands-violet
Summary: Dasey. Derek needs help to stop using cocaine, and with his withdrawals. He turned to Casey. She hates that he did the cocaine, but doesn't tell anyone. What happens when she starts to have feelings for him. Read and Review! Complete! Dasey.
1. Prologue

**Rated M or R—** For what sex and violence comes up later. Not in this prologue.

**Disclaimer-******I don't own Life with Derek. Duh. Would I be writing this if I really did?

DASEY!!!!!!

This is just the prologue; if I get good reviews then I will continue

Derek had been acting weird lately. When he made all her dates go wrong, that was one thing- just him being a jerk, like always. There was something that was beginning to creep underneath her skin though. He seemed to be checking her out. Sometimes when she would run up the stairs, she would peer out and he would have his head tilted in her direction. He never seemed to notice when she looked at him, because his eyes were focused on other things. Whenever he was around she would cross her arms out of anger of being around him, and because of his wandering eyes. Still inside, inside her mind, she would feel something fluttering. It creeped her out.

Just as she began to analyze this bit of creepiness he barged arrogantly into her room, ripping her away from her thoughts.

"Casey." He said softly.

"What?" She said in annoyance.

"I need your help."

"Why should I help someone who can't even knock on my door?"

"Casey, can we not do this?" She was taken back by this remark. So unlike Derek. He lived for fights, especially fights with her.

"What is it." She said in a huge sigh.

"I need you to help me hide this…" He pulled out a Ziploc bag that had in it what looked like sugar.

"Why do you need me to help you hide that?"

"It's…" He shut the door quietly, then said in a soft whisper, "It's cocaine." Casey just sat there, staring up at him. She began to notice that he was skinnier, and his face seemed tired and worn out. At that moment she had completely forgotten everything she hated about him, and every creepy thing that seemed to be happening lately.

"I need to tell someone about this, you need help!" At that remark he swooped on her, covering her mouth.

"NO!" He said in a strained whisper, "I need your help. Hide it. Get rid of it. I don't care. I don't want to see it." She looked at him deeply, then softly picked his hand off her mouth.

"Why me?"

"You're logical, you make sense. My friends are stupid; they would be as stupid as me about it. Please, help me." His eyes deepened and she felt compassion towards him that she hardly felt before. Something else inside tingled, but she blew it off quickly.

"Sure…How long…have you been doing this?"

"Since…Never mind that…you'll do it? Thanks." He dropped the bag underneath her pillow and walked quickly out the door, obviously trying to avoid the subject. _This summer is going to be a blast._ Casey thought sarcastically.

_**REVIEW FOR MORE!!!!**_


	2. Morale

**Disclaimer******I don't own Life with Derek, silly.

**Still rated M for later.**

Casey sat at her computer, desperately trying to concentrate on her summer homework. One of the classes she took was a college course and the teacher, Mr. Manker, wanted to have them read Lord of the Flies. She was typing up the report. Well, trying to at least. She knew senior year was going to have a lot of difficulties in store for her.

All the concentration methods she tried to use would not let her think of anything, besides Derek, and the cocaine underneath her pillow. Casey frowned, then turned on music and began to work out. She didn't even bother to get out of her jeans.

Dinner came and she was still exercising. The clock was behind her, and she hadn't looked at it once since she began. Three hours, twenty minutes, and spare few seconds had passed. The time now was 5:33.

A knock on her door broke her out of the trance she was in.

"Come in." Casey said, wiping sweat off her forehead. Her mom walked in, about to say something. After about a half minute of looking at her blankly she shut the door, after stepping in.

"Are you alright Case?" She said in a concerned voice.

"Yeah, I've just been working out." Casey looked down.

"But this is unscheduled. You work out on a schedule, or when you have too much on your mind. Don't try to lie, I know you Casey."

"You also trust me right? I would tell you if I really needed to." Nora looked down. _Silence is golden, right?_ Casey decided that she would help Derek. It felt like it was the right thing to do, even though it took a toll on her moral stand-point on honesty.

"I do trust you. Come downstairs in a few minutes. Dinner is almost ready."

"Ok."

Marti had already eaten dinner at a friend's house, so she was upstairs in the bath, playing. Edwin and Lizzie swore silence in a bet for twenty dollars on who could stay quiet the longest. It had been going on for two days now.

"George, how was work?" Nora said in the uncomfortable silence.

"It was alright. Not much happened. Just a lot of paperwork on new clients. What about you?"

"Not much here either. Casey how was your day?" Nora asked thoughtfully.

"Fine. I just did school work and worked out since I woke up."

"Derek, how was yours?" George asked.

"mm. Fine." No one talked much after that.

Thankfully it was over quick, and Casey hurried to her room. _I don't know what to do with this. _She thought as she stared at the bag on her bed. _Maybe I could flush it down the toilet? Or I could sell it to someone…No. I could…I don't know. Should I talk to Emily? Definitely not Sam…_ Casey sighed when someone knocked on the door, then jiggled the door handle, only to find it locked. She covered her pillow over the bag, and got up to go open the door.

"Hi Derek, what do you want?" She said in a sweet voice. In all honesty she became afraid of him. He just looked at her, confused. "Hello…?"

"Sorry. I uh…" Derek trailed off and mumbled a few things, "Never mind." He closed her door quickly in her face, but she reached to open it and pulled him into her room.

"NO! Not 'Never mind'. Tell me everything, right now." Derek's character diminished. He wasn't him anymore. It was pure irony that she missed it, but would she have ever preferred this coke-addicted version of him?

"I can't Casey. I, why can't you, why?"

"Huh?"

"Why can't you just do this for me, no questions asked?"

"Why can't you just tell me?"

"I CAN'T!" He looked up and put his hands on his eyes. "Casey, I can't right now."

"Well what did you want?"

"I wanted you; err, to tell you that you should get rid of that by this Friday. Today is Wednesday right?"

"Yeah, but why Friday?"

"Because that's when _they _are coming over."

"Who are _they?_"

"I can't tell you, not right now at least. Don't tell anyone please, not even your best friends," He said, and then added sarcastically," If you have any other friends besides Emily." She sat there open-mouthed.

"I'm helping you, with something like _this_, and you have the audacity to make a rude remark like _that_?" Casey stood up, prepared to throw everything she had in her vocabulary at him.

"You never have anyone over. Is it my fault you're a loser?"

"I'm not a loser, and if anyone thought that, it probably would be because of you. I'm not as devious as you, you little jerk."

"Little hardly qualifies. Besides, you need to be devious in order to catch the ones being devious to you."

"You wouldn't have to worry about people doing shit behind your back if you weren't doing drugs."

"What are drugs?" Marti popped into the doorway, looking up thoughtfully at Derek.

"Nothing Marti." He knelt down to her level. "They are just really bad things that get you into a lot of trouble. Your life falls apart if you use them."

"Why did Casey say you were doing them? Are you doing them?" She said painfully. Even though she only saw the pack of Derek's head, she knew that it practically stabbed his barely-there heart.

"Am I falling apart?"

"No."

"Then I am not doing drugs!" He said playfully. Marti jumped on him in a big, off-balancing hug.

_Even Derek has morals…right?_

_**Please review!!! This is my first story on this site and I appreciate any constructive criticism that you may have, but compliments are also enjoyed SOOOO much!**_


	3. Even good girls do bad things

**Author's Note******I don't know if it is going to be fast-paced or not. I guess it depends on how many people are interested. Since this is my first story I really want those good writers out there to give me tips so my future Dasey or other stories turn out much better. Not that this sucks…I hope not! And even people who don't write who read a lot could give me advice. I am up for anything!!

**Disclaimer******Owning Life with Derek, especially the owning Derek part, has happened many times in my dreams. Sadly my dreams tend to never come true. Partly because they include fairies and purple skies. And still I do not own Life with Derek. weeps in the background

Casey set her alarm clock to five in the morning. She planned to go on a jog 4 miles away from home. Sam used to take her to this restaurant that was by a bad neighborhood. If anyone knew what to do, the teens she saw dealing would. She felt kind of silly that she didn't know it was drugs at first. _How stupid can I be? It's not like I haven't seen it before. I never used it though…Well, except once…but that was a horrible mistake that…_ Casey hunched over the side of her bed in pain. She tried to silence a scream but couldn't. Lizzie was in her room almost seconds later.

"Casey! Are you alright?" She said putting a hand on her back. Everything was turning white and she could vaguely see a memory of a man, but it was too dizzy and the words were incoherent. Suddenly she felt someone press on her mouth, and then felt her own fingers' scratching at her lips, trying to get what wasn't there, off.

"CASEY!" Derek's voice drifted in her ear, so quietly, but in the loudest way. Like an echo. She turned towards him, and threw up all over his shirt.

She woke up to her alarm clock, in a cold sweat she ran to Derek's room only to find him sleeping peacefully. _It was just a dream._

She walked to the kitchen with a pencil and a piece of paper, and then jotted down a note.

"_I am going for a jog. I should be back around 7-8 a.m. "_

_-Casey_

She crept quietly back upstairs to change and grab the cocaine. The pink jog suit had moth holes in it, so she just grabbed shorts and a blue tank top. _It's summer, not like I will get that cold. _It's funny that no matter the season, the morning air still has its way of making you shiver. Casey blew it off, knowing that soon she would be warm.

Thoughts were flying rapidly in her head. _I think too much, don't I? _Derek's voice popped into her head. _Uh, yeah. Tone it down sometimes, you give me migraines woman! _Trying to focus on breathing properly as she jogged, her thoughts ceased for some small amount of time. It was only till she came to a familiar part of the next neighborhood that she stopped for a small break.

_//////////////////////////FLASHBACK///////////////////////////////////////_

_Sam wrapped his arm around Casey, pulling her lovingly towards him. She looked deeply into his eyes. He was so nice. _

"_What are we doing here? I've never been here before." Casey asked._

"_Well, you told me you always wanted to know what it was like to be bad, right." She just looked at him, her heart starting to race. "I thought I would show you a side of me that I was afraid to show."_

"_What is it?" He kissed her softly on the lips, took her hand, and then led her down the alley way behind a restaurant. A tall, somewhat chunky man was talking to a much smaller, skinnier man. The smaller man handed the tall one a bundle of cash, then the tall one stuffed a bag of oregano into the small mans' jacket. Casey looked at Sam. He waved to the taller man. _

"_Hey, Jake. It's been a while."_

"_Heh. Yeah it has."_

"_Well, I came here for her." Sam looked down at Casey. "She wanted to try some stuff." Jake eyed Casey with a smirk on his face. She turned away. "She's my girlfriend so, don't even think about it." He put his arm around Casey; his hand gripped her shoulder tightly. _

"_Okay, Just a sample for the lady? I could share a blunt with her, for free."_

"_A blunt? What's that?" Casey asked, frightened. "Is that drugs? Sam, do you do drugs?"_

"_I used to. I stopped a while back…but I thought maybe you would want to live life as a bad girl for just a day." Casey looked down. She knew that she had thought of that before, but never in her whole entire life thought that it would actually happen, let alone Sam be the one to introduce it to her. _

"_So does this mean you are doing it or, no? Don't matter to me." Jake said roughly, with a hint of arrogance in his voice. It reminded her of someone, but she couldn't think of whom. _

"_Yeah, I will." _

_//////////////////////////////////END FLASHBACK//////////////////////////////////////////////_

Casey suddenly slapped her own face, which jolted her out of her memories. She was jogging again, and passed her desired destination. When she turned, she saw the same man from her memory. He waved to her. _I could give it to him! _Jake walked up to her.

"Hey Jamie, long time no see." His eyes wandered downward. _Are all druggies unaware of where they are looking_, she thought as she crossed her arms.

"It's Casey."

"Whatever, are you still with Sam?"

"No, and that's not important." She pulled the cocaine out of her back pocket and showed it to him. "Take this!"

"What are you doing?!" He gasped out, shoving it into her pocket again. "Are you crazy?!"

"No, I just need to get rid of it!" Casey looked hard at him, but he kept looking side to side, and behind him.

"Fine, come with me." She complied, and followed him down a few streets to a worn down house. He led her inside. The inside was as filthy and dead-like as the outside. It smelled like wet dog, and marijuana. She remembered the smell instantly. "Sit there." Casey looked to where he pointed. It was a yellow chair that looked like it might've been white at one point in time. The rose broidery shone out like a sore thumb. Delicately she sat down. He sat on the couch across from her.

"I need this to be gone. You still deal right?" Casey pulled out the bag. Just having it made her sick. Her stomach lurched. _This is not happening…_

"I don't have any money for you. I thought you were too good to deal anyway."

"I'm not dealing; I just need to get rid of this. It's your lucky day. It's _free_." She tossed the bag onto the coffee table in between them. After eyeing her suspiciously he grabbed it greedily and stuffed it in the crack of his couch. Jake peered up at her, and smiled. "Well, that's all I really came for. I got to go." Casey stood up and began to walk toward the door.

"There's no need to rush out. Maybe we could smoke a joint?" He said, grabbing her wrist.

"I only did that once. I really have to go anyways."

"No, actually, you need to stay a while." Jake grabbed her other wrist. Her heart beat quickened and she tried to push him away. The grip he had on her wrists tightened more, and then he flung her onto his couch. As she sat up quickly to try and run, he slammed his body on top of her, pinning her down. Casey shoved her hands in his face, trying to push him off, but he swooped around and bit her neck hard. She screamed out, and his hand pressed down on her mouth. Casey reached to scratch at his hands and realized he pinned them both down above her head.

"This can be easy, or it can be hard. Take your pick." She stopped struggling and tears ran down her face. Once again her stomach lurched and her heart dropped, making her feel hollow. Jake's hand loosened on her wrist and he took his other hand off her mouth. He leaned down and kissed her, then bit her lower lip so hard it bled. She cried out, and he stuck two fingers in her mouth.

He reached down, and fumbled to get her shorts off, but just as he reached for her panties there was knock on his door. "Don't you dare move." Jake walked towards the door and opened it. Casey didn't bother eavesdropping, because she quickly put on her shorts and quietly looked for the back door. When she couldn't find it, she lifted up a window as quietly and quickly as possible.

She ran as fast as her feet would carry her, trying desperately not to think of what had just happened.

_**How morbid. Review!!**_


	4. Try to hide

**Author's Note******I would like to thank to the few who have reviewed. I don't care how many people review, good or bad, if people are reading it then I will keep writing! I would still of course appreciate reviews, and again thank you!

**Disclaimer******It's kind of silly to even have this here. We all know I don't own it. It is just this fun thing that people put up to compete on who can crack the funniest joke on the reasons for which they don't own it and what would happen if they did. We are all a little crazy, no?

Panic, fear, and horror pulsated throughout Casey's body. She was at this twisted point in her life, with no clear reason as to why it was happening to her. Of all the people Derek knew, he decided to find a new way to torture her, and spills such a phenomenal secret, then dumps all the pressure of helping him get out of trouble onto her shoulders. _Should I hate him for this? I just wish he would tell me how this happened._ Anger accommodated itself inside her.

Panic, fear, horror, and anger pulsated throughout her body.

Home could not have come quicker. She bolted inside, up the stairs, and into her room. Casey shut and locked her door. Frantically, she searched for her makeup kit. A tear stricken face peered back at her through the mirror. _If only I had gone with someone. If only I didn't go into his house. I'm such a slut with my tight shirt, and my shorts. This is my entire fault. Oh, my god. _She wiped lipstick over her bloody lips, hoping the colors would mesh and no one would notice. His bite still remained on her neck. She could feel him on her, trying to…

Her fists pounded pitifully onto the desk. The mirror shook, distorting her figure. A true mirror image of how she felt.

It was then that she realized someone was knocking on her door. She breathed in and exhaled slowly, then used her hair to cover Jake's bite before opening the door.

It was Derek.

"Didn't you hear me calling after you? Are you deaf?"

"I was just doing something before I opened the door." She said defensively.

"No. I have been chasing you since you left the house." Casey stared at him, and then quickly pulled him into the room. He shut the door.

"What?"

"You walked into my room, and I'm a light sleeper."

"Really? You always seemed so much harder to wake up to me."

"Trying to bug you of course." Derek smirked. _There's my Derek. My Derek? I am stupid. I can't even think right anymore…_

"Idiot. I went downstairs to write a note then I got dressed, you could've spoken to me before I left."

"I was tired, and trying to get dressed. I had a feeling that you were leaving. I didn't know you were going _there._"

"You know _there?_" _Duh Casey. He must've got his drugs from people like Jake. Is he like Jake?_ She subconsciously took a step back from him.

"Yeah. That's where me and Sam…Never mind, I found Jake's house because I saw you talking to him, but I ran into someone." Derek ran his hand over his shoulder. The shirt itself was torn, but there wasn't a cut, just a red mark.

"Who?"

"Well, they were supposed to come see me tomorrow, but I finished my own business."

"Who? What business?"

"LET ME FINISH!" She sat down in mild fear. "Okay. They were the dealers. Teen dealers, not big time dealers. It was Jake's brother Matt and his buddy Tim." Casey had a flash of sudden realization. Derek had mentioned those names before. He would go out on weekends to 'chill' with them. "They didn't exactly like the idea of me not buying' anymore. So they said I should buy one more time and they would share it with me on Friday. I didn't want to, so I just bought it then decided I would get rid of it before they came."

"What changed your mind?" She asked softly.

"Well, I had been thinking about this girl I like. I know she would barely take me clean, so if I would have any chance with her then I would have to get out of it. And get out of it quick."

"Who?"

"I really don't want to say right now. I need help with another problem." Casey closed her eyes then rolled them so he wouldn't see.

"With what?"

"I'm going to be having some withdrawals. They won't be that bad, because I haven't been doing it that long. When Sam quit…oh shit." He looked at her with wide eyes. Derek didn't know she knew. Casey smiled.

"Last year when I dated Sam I told him that I wanted to be a bad girl, so I could feel a thrill I never felt before. He took me to see Jake. That's how I know Jake. I smoked pot with him…" That had sounded almost robotic coming out of her mouth. That man was almost pure evil. Pure evil, if evil was ever pure. She looked up at the ceiling, hoping no tears would fall. Her hair fell slightly.

"What's that?" Derek's eyes were looking right at the bite mark Jakes' teeth had left in her skin.

"N-Nothing." Casey quickly covered it up with her hair. He softly pushed it aside and touched the tender skin. The contact of his fingers' sent a chill down her spine. She felt her lips curl into a smile.

"Jake did this, didn't he? I knocked on his door, but you weren't in there. I heard a large crash in the back, and then he slammed the door in my face. I saw you running and chased after you. Called your name I don't know how many times." Suddenly she began to cry. Casey thrust her arms around Derek and cried her little heart out, all over his shoulder. The warmth of him comforted her in a way she had never dreamed of. This girl he was trying to get with would be lucky. _That is so creepy Casey. Stop thinking like that! _A familiar voice nagged at her.

It was true. The only thing she thought was creepy about her step-brother checking her out was that she liked it.

Derek put his hand on her head, petting through the tangled strands of her soft brown hair.

"Don't worry Casey. I will fix this for you. Whether or not you help me with my withdrawals…" He pulled her close, keeping her in a tight hug that hurt, but made her feel more safe than she ever was in her life.


	5. Handling withdrawals

**Author's Note******I haven't gotten many reviews so far, but I am vigilant. I would like to thank Mac-alicious for staying with me on this first fic, because I am a novice and I adore her writing. She has A LOT of good stories. Check 'em out.

**Disclaimer-******I could say something witty and captivating, but we all know that you skip over this. P.S I don't own '**Life with Derek**'

Thursday was probably the worst day in Casey's whole entire life. The divorce of her parents didn't hurt nearly as bad as this. This _really_ hurt. Jake, and that moment with Derek were both way intense, but that moment with Derek. Did he feel anything like she did between them? The static air left behind after arguments that they used to have. _What are you thinking!! One, he's your step-brother. Two, he is addicted to coke right now!! I'm so out of my mind. I keep falling for guys I can't have, or aren't good to me or themselves. Do I desire evil? _She shuddered. Casey did not, ever, desire Jake. He was the evil that rested in every mans' heart. At least it appeared that way.

Derek asked, once again, for her help. Was she just a convenience to him? It was truly hard to guess. After all, he did so many things just to bug her. He admitted to 'sleeping heavy' when really he was a light sleeper. How many other things had he done, just because it pissed her off? Did he like her angry? _But just like before, I will help him. I am doomed to be nice to everyone, aren't I? _

Her blue eyes flickered with a thought. Quickly jumping from her bed, she sat at her desk and logged into the internet. _What kind of things will I have to deal with, for his withdrawals? I hope nothing that would get him caught. _Great, she was still trying to cover his sorry butt, like he deserved her help with this. It was so stressful._ Am I cruel? Snap out of it! Focus!_

"_Cocaine withdrawals are not usually physical problems such as vomiting, like alcohol. The person experiencing the withdrawals is more likely to experience fatigue, increase in appetite, depression, agitation, and very vivid and unpleasant dreams."_

Okay, nothing Casey couldn't handle, right? _Hmm. It also says to detach the person from all people, places, and things that they associate with the cocaine use. I gotta talk to Derek. _She got up and exited her room, practically running into Lizzie.

"Sorry Lizzie."

"It's alright. Are you okay? I heard you crying this morning." Lizzie looked sad, almost like she could feel her pain.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't you worry about me, mmkay?" She said with the most convincing smile she could muster. Lizzie didn't say anything for a moment.

"Everyone knows when you lie. You suck at it." She pleaded with her.

"I'm alright. Besides if I needed help, you know I would go to someone." Again, Casey smiled. Lizzie sighed, somewhat defeated.

"Talk to me when you are ready to." She hugged Casey and headed to the bathroom. Casey turned and walked towards Derek's door. Everything seemed heavy. She held a knocking fist at the ready, but couldn't bring herself to knock. _There is nothing to be afraid of Casey. _This morning flashed in her head. It had felt so good to be in his arms. Then someone opened the door, causing her to blush.

"Hey George." He eyed Casey suspiciously.

"Hi. You need to talk to Derek?"

"Yeah, actually I do."

"What did he do?"

"Nothing. I just need to talk to him." George didn't move for a second.

"You can tell me."

"I'm tired of using you and my mom as medians. I want to learn to deal with Derek on my own. Will you please let me do that?" He looked thoughtful to this idea, but didn't act to hopeful. Probably on Derek's part.

"As long as nothing seriously bad is going to happen. If someone is going to get hurt we need to know."

"I know. I'm responsible enough to know what I can and can't handle." She quipped. George's eyes flickered at this remark, but he visibly brushed it off and headed downstairs. Once he was out of sight, she entered Derek's room and shut the door.

"Yes?" He questioned, almost as if he was annoyed at her presence.

"Ok. Do you know what kind of withdrawals you're going to have?"

"Ah, an interview. Well, when Sam was quitting he gained a lot of weight, didn't talk to anyone and kept going back to doing it. Several times actually. It got so bad that I had to stay by his side…all…the time…" He looked down. "I need you to stay by my side all the time. How are we going to explain _that_ to our parents? We hate each other!"

For some reason, this statement cut deep in her heart. Casey turned away.

"I'll tell them that I have convinced you to talk to me like a human. We could, you know, for once act like we like each other." He looked up quickly at her. _You phrased it wrong! Change it before he gets the wrong idea._ "I meant, like friends." _Friends. Not brother and sister. Crap. Oh well._

"Sounds good to me. Maybe I can learn why your so…" He made a gesture with his hand.

"What?"

"I don't know the word for what you are."

"Big surprise imbecile." She noticed that his fists clenched the sheets together.

"I'm an imbecile? Don't assume stuff like that Casey." He was loosing his edge. Depression. _I hope it doesn't get too bad. I don't know how to comfort guys. Guys don't come to me about this stuff, if they even go to anyone…Besides, I also live for the fights. Secretly of course. It helps me compile new opinions. Believe it or not, but he teaches me stuff…Stuff about myself. _"What? What are you thinking Case?"

"Nothing. I need you to do something though."

"What?"

She lowered her voice, "I need you to make sure you don't talk to anyone that you associate with cocaine, don't go anywhere that you associate with cocaine, and get rid of anything that reminds you of cocaine."

"Will that do any good?"

"Hopefully, removing yourself from anything you associate with it you will think of it less." He nodded.

"Okay. I've got to sleep right now. I'm beat."

"If you have any dreams tell me." Derek furrowed his eyes at this remark, but she exited the room before he could ask her why. She didn't want to worry him, or put the general idea into his head.


	6. It will never happen

**Author's Note******I would like to thank the readers and reviewers. I'd like to think I am quick to post the next chapter. It's the summer and I don't really have much to do. So I am taking advantage of this. I already have an idea for another Dasey fic, so if you're a fan make sure you watch out for it when this is done. Read and Review!!!

**Disclaimer******I had this dream last night, and it was amazing! The owner of Life with Derek, and Micheal came to get me for my birthday. They signed all rights over to me! Micheal is cuter with his glasses. We spent a night underneath the stars. Sucks I had to wake up…

Derek wasn't at dinner. She went to go wake him up, but he said that he was still tired. _I'll just bring some food up when I'm done. _

George set the plates down in front of all the kids.

"Lizzie, where's my money?" Edwin said suddenly. She looked at him with a confused look. "I heard you talk to Casey." She smiled.

"I talked to Casey, because I heard you mutter something to Marti. Something about her coloring all over your books." His face flushed. Slowly, Edwin pulled out the money and took her hand and shoved it on her palm. He closed her fingers on it with both hands. Liz just smiled at him. "Edwin, when are you going to learn?"

"Where's Derek?" Nora said as she walked into the dining room from the kitchen.

"He's in bed, sleeping. Don't worry; I'll take some food up later." Everyone's eyes were on Casey. She felt hot all of a sudden. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just you and Derek haven't been fighting. It's a change." George state matter-of-factly.

"Well, me and him came to an agreement that we would spend time over this summer trying to get to know each other. It's obvious to both of us that you two love each other, might as well get used to it." She grimaced. Hopefully she would get to know him better, even though she just lied. _I want to get to know him? Why do I care! _

"He said that?" Nora asked, hopeful, with a huge smiled printed gracefully on her face.

"Yeah."

"Wow. I hope this works for you guys. You two fighting was beginning to be a real problem. I'm proud of you honey."

"Me too." George piped in. "Derek would never have agreed to something like that unless it was _absolutely _necessary. When you take his dinner up, tell him that we are proud of you both." Casey smiled big.

"I will."

Dinner wasn't deathly silent as the night before, and for that, Casey was thankful. It probably was because Derek wasn't downstairs with them. She hardly knew what to do around him anymore. _I am so confused_, she thought as she took a bite of the mashed potatoes, _Should I just try to act like what Jake tried to do never happened. I could try, but I am afraid I might resent Derek because he was the one who got me into that situation. Is he really going to do something about Jake? If he does, what could he possibly do? What am I going to do about Jake? Should I even dignify that scum with a name?_ She looked up. Marti was staring at her with worried eyes. _Oh crap, my eyes are tearing up._

"Hey, I am not that hungry tonight. I'm gonna take Derek's dinner upstairs and make sure he's okay."

"Okay Casey. You're excused." Nora said softly, and then continued the conversation she was having with Lizzie about a girl in her karate class.

Casey cleaned her plate of in the kitchen, and made Derek's plate. She knew he didn't really like corn, so she didn't put it on. _I know what he likes and doesn't like? Well we live together; I was bound to find out. But you noticed Casey; you could have easily put the corn on the plate…_ She stopped thinking, realizing the she was having a stupid fight with _herself_.

She gripped the plate with one hand and opened Derek's door with the other. He was hunched towards his computer, typing faster than she had ever seen him type. He looked up at her, frightened, then turned off the monitor.

"What?" Casey asked, feeling a little hurt.

"Nothing. It's just an online journal. I don't really want you reading it." He looked at the plate of food in her hands and practically dove for it. A couple of small chunks of mashed potatoe fell to his floor, but this didn't phase him. She reached down absentmindedly and threw them in the trash. When she looked back at him, his mouth was full and gaping open, his eyes fixed firmly on her butt. Casey snapped upright, and his eyes traced upwards towards her face.

"Are you alright?" She said shakily, getting the feeling that he was undressing her with his eyes.

"I don't know. I need to eat alone right now."

"But I--"

"I'll come get you when I'm done, ok? I need help getting rid of my stuff. You know how I'm territorial." She knew that he twisted the subject matter. _Why is he avoiding it. Maybe he didn't realize he was looking. Maybe he just likes to look, and doesn't think much of my personality. Quit making excuses! _Casey exited the room as quickly as possible, and got into the shower.

She stared at her naked body, tracing over Jake's bitemark, and onto her sore lips. Derek flashed inside her head, all his glances towards her, him wrapping his arms around her. The warmth she felt then that sent tingles down her spine, now sent waves of heat to her lower regions. Casey leaned back on the wall, and closed her eyes. Derek leaned down and left his lips waiting for hers to say 'ok'. This fantasy played out in her head, with hot naked bodies fighting for dominance, fighting for each other's pleasure. She smirked, and got into a hot bath.

Casey drifted into a semiconciousness where she could hear, but not comprehend. Someone opened the door and then shut it behind them. _Do they know I am in here? Say something. Who is it? Open your eyes. _Her body would not comply to anything. She was just too comfortable.

The person in the bathroom started to cry. It ripped her from comfort, she wanted to know who it was. Casey slowly pulled back the curtain, making sure she showed nothing. It was Derek.

"Derek." She whispered softly. His eyes widened and slowly looked at her. Tears fell slowly, as if he weren't really crying.

"Casey. I didn't know you were--"

"It's alright. What's wrong?" Her voice was strained with pure concern.

"It's just, I don't know what I should do about this girl that I like, when I feel better. I am so afraid she won't have the same feelings that I do. I have been attracted to her since we met, and only recently have I had the chance to get to know her. The withdrawals haven't even hit me yet, it's only been a couple of days...I am scared that she would..."

"Worry about that later. Deal with your problems first. I used to think that was selfish, but you can't make anyone else happy if you aren't happy." She smiled lovingly at him. He smirked in a compassionate way. _I can feel him in my soul..._

"Thanks, Casey. I'll leave you to your bath." He looked at her lips and made a sad expression, then turned and left her alone in an uncomfortable silence. _Did he see the bite mark on my lips or...Did he want to kiss me? WRONG! Just stop thinking that it would ever happen Casey. It never will. _


	7. Kiss it, make it better

**Author's Note******I have noticed that I update rather quick, so anyone following the story, never fear! I would like to thank all of my reviewers, you guys are so awesome.

**Disclaimer******Teacher, can I get into trouble for something I haven't done? Why, no Brian you can't. Well, I haven't done me homework. Lolz. I don't own Life with Derek.

The next week flew by quickly for Casey. She and Derek had a couple of fights after she and him got rid of the things he associated with cocaine. His nightstand, headphones, some CD's, even some money. Derek had said that he didn't want to spend it because it would still remind him of how he had gotten the money, and in the end would be linked to the cocaine. Casey was shocked at how he had readily given away his things, especially the money, because he said so himself that he was territorial. By _god _did she _know_ how territorial he could be.

After that though, he wouldn't mention the withdrawals, or the cocaine. They settled back into fights with each other, and she was left confused. _Isn't he going to have to go through withdrawals? I mean, not that I wanted him too, I was just hoping…Ugh. Never mind. _The way Casey figured, she knew she couldn't possibly ever get close enough to Derek to get him to see that she was attracted. _At least I haven't fallen for him. He can be that guy that you look at but do nothing about. Everyone has one of those. _

Thursday morning, one week later, at two in the morning, someone shook her awake.

"Casey, Casey, Casey, wake up Casey." It was a male voice, and she didn't have to open her eyes to know who it was.

"Derek? What is it?" She said, mildly annoyed.

"Matt and Tim are going to get me! I just had a premonition, it was so real! I got to hide! You've got to help me!" He said frantically, searching the room as though someone were about to jump out and get him. Casey sat up and put her hands on his shoulders.

"No. Matt and Tim aren't going to get you. It was just a dream."

"No! You don't understand. It was so real. I could feel them killing me." Derek started to shake. _Well, here they are, just beginning. _

"This is part of your withdrawals, vivid dreams, often vivid nightmares. Do you want me to sleep on your floor in your room?" Casey took her hands off his shoulders, and he nodded a 'yes'. She grabbed a cover and pillow in one hand, and grabbed his in the other. Derek was like a little child being led by his mom.

In his room, he laid down onto his bed, and she spread out the cover on the floor. Derek looked intently at her eyes when she laid down.

"What is it Derek?" She asked quietly.

"I don't know. You just have _beautiful _eyes." Casey blushed. _Why does he have to do that? He could've just said nothing and rolled over. _"I'm…I'm afraid. Would you, hold my hand till I fall asleep? So I know you are there?" Her hand slowly lifted up to the bed and Derek slipped his fingers around hers. She felt heat spring up between her legs, and crossed them, hoping it would go away.

Casey didn't realize she fell asleep until she woke up by her hand falling to the floor. Quickly sitting up, she looked at the clock.

_7:13 a.m._

As quietly as she possibly could she gathered her cover and pillow, then silently went into her room. She carelessly threw her stuff on the bed and went downstairs, hoping that no one was up, or noticed that she was in Derek's room. When she walked in she saw Lizzie over the stove, cooking eggs and pancakes.

"Oh, hey Case. You want some? I can make more." _Pancakes sounds good, _she thought to herself.

"Yeah. Thanks!"

"No problem." Lizzie walked over to the refrigerator and got two eggs out. She cracked them gracefully over the pan and threw the shells away. "You slept good I hope."

"Yeah. It was alright."

"Did you dream anything?" Casey sat in contemplation, and her dream suddenly came to her. She was in her room when Derek stormed in yelling something ridiculous about boyfriends and cheating. He swooped down out of nowhere, kissing her on the mouth, and not stopping there. In rapid fire kisses he went down her neck and her bare breast all the way to...

"Nope. I didn't actually. I dont' dream very often." Lizzie looked dissapointed for a moment, but it quickly faded.

"I did! I was on my way to school when these lemurs came and kidnapped me! I tried to run but they were everywhere. They took me to England and forced me to dance with this lemur named Pierre. He said he _loved_ me." Casey started giggling. "Then all of a sudden I was in class with a bunch of lemurs at our school, and Katie was with me, but she wasn't being mean at all. She said she had a crush on Pierre. I told her to go for it." Casey looked at her sister for a couple of moments before she began to laugh hysterically. After a few moments they giggled at each other.

"These pancakes and eggs are _great_!"

"You make it sound like my cooking is never good." Lizzie looked a bit hurt. She had been trying to grasp onto cooking for a few months now.

"It's usually alright, but these are really good. That means you're getting better!" Lizzie smiled big in adoration.

"Thanks Casey!" She walked around and gave Casey a big hug. "I love you sis!"

"I love you too."

Lizzie and Casey got into a conversation about Katie and what had been happening. She had been bashing her name, making fun of her constantly, and taken the guy that she liked. Lizzie didn't even tear up or act hurt. She was so strong like that, and Casey admired it. Edwin walked in, burping the alphabet.

"_L, M, N, O, P," _Casey scrunched up her face in disgust, Lizzie just giggled.

"Can you please _not_ do that?" Casey said, annoyed. Edwin walked up to her and got in her face.

"_Q, R, S," _Casey rolled her eyes and pushed Edwins face away. She looked at the clock above the stove

_9:47 a.m._

She decided to go check on Derek. Just as she reached the foot of the stairs, he appeared at the top.

"I. Am. Starving." He gripped his stomach and walked down the stairs. She moved to let him pass, but he still bumped into her shoulder. _You did that on purpose. _Casey sighed, blowing it off, and walked upstairs. Derek was fine, so she might as well go do something.

_I'll just work on my report for Mr. Manker, and clean my room later. Maybe work out some. _After about an hour or so she started to clean, but was distracted by her dream. She laid down onto her bed, and again she was shocked by a wave of heat sent down in between her legs. _I have never...really felt that before. What should I do to feel...satisfied?_ Casey slowly traced her hand down her stomach and reached down to her crouch. Just the soft touch made her tingle, but she wanted Derek.

Just as she thought of his name, Derek walked in. Her hand snapped off her female area, and she sat up. He stared at her in somewhat shock, then closed the door behind him. Slowly, he walked toward her and put his thumb on her lip, softly touching the bite mark. _Kiss me. Kiss me, please._

"That looks bad. Did Jake...do that too?" She nodded her head. "What exactly did he do to you? If you don't mind me asking." Casey looked down, hesitant.

"He kissed me, pinned me down. He was going to..." She started to sob, "Going to rape me. He took off my shorts and bit my neck. Then someone knocked on the door, which was you right?" He shook his head yes," I took off, but it was in such a blur." She started crying loud, but trying helplessly to stop or to at least make it quieter, but to no avail. He took her face in his hands, and peered into her eyes.

"Can I kiss it and make it better?" Casey looked up at him, and he leaned down slowly, hoping that she would accept. She reached up placing a small kiss on his lips. Derek kissed her again, longer, but still as soft, trying not to agitate the scab on her lips.


	8. Vulnerable

**Author's Note******I'm happy that I finally got that kiss out! Let me tell you, it was hard for me to wait to write for that long. This chapter is shorter then the ones I have been writing, but you'll like it! crosses fingers I like this chapter. The dreams are going to get even worse, he's going to beleive them even more...but not saying any more than that. Sorry! (**Review with thoughts! They make me feel good!)**

**Disclaimer******Hi, my name is Dye-my-hands-violet and I own Life with Derek. Sounds like a struggle then BANG, a gunshot is fired. Sorry. This is the _real _Dye-my-hands-violet. That was my evil twin Dye-my-hands-yellow. She lies about _everything_.

Casey slept in Derek's room again. She made sure she didn't go in there until she was certain everyone was asleep. Derek set his alarm clock to 3 in the morning, so she could go back in her room, _just in case._ Casey couldn't believe what happened. _I kissed Derek. I kissed Derek. I kissed Derek. _No amount of thought could actually convince her that it happened until…

"Casey, I'm sorry." Derek said solemnly into the darkness.

"For what?"

"For, for kissing you. You were at a vulnerable moment; you probably would've kissed anyone." She sat up, and leaned one hand on the hardwood floor.

"I've been thinking about…I've been wanting…That's not true. I've been wanting you to…" He looked down at her. The air seemed comfortably tense. Casey took her hair and curved it behind her ear, then stood up. Derek grabbed her hand and pulled her to sit on the bed. They continued to look into each others eyes, scared to move, scared to look away. _This isn't happening. I'm so dreaming. My dreams are hauntingly wonderful._

"Really? You've been wanting…me?"

"Yeah. I have…" _Am I really saying this? Is this a real conversation? Oh, my god. Derek…_

"You're the girl that I…" Derek put his hand onto her face, "I care about you Casey." He pulled her into his arms, and her head laid down on his chest. She looked up at him after a few moments thought, and pulled his head down to her lips. He didn't move for a second then brought passion to their kiss.

Casey wrapped her arms around his neck as he drove his tongue into her mouth. Derek placed a hand onto the back of her head and leaned back taking her down with him. She stuck her tongue into his mouth, as though it were a duel, and smiled. _He tastes so good, Oh, I love kissing him, he tastes so good. Focus! You can't do this! But…but… _Derek's hand fell from her head and traced down her neck and down her spine. She broke from the kiss. Heat surged through her entire body.

"Derek…" She looked at the wall, "Let's sleep." He looked at her and smiled.

"Okay." Casey started to get up, but Derek pulled her back down to him.

"What are you doing?" She said, somewhat afraid.

"Sleep _next _to me." He looked up at her pleadingly. _I don't know if I should. I want to...to feel his warmth, but I don't know. I am not even sure if we should be doing this. _Derek piped up in her head, _You think way too much woman..._She did think to much. Casey slowly laid down facing the door, not Derek. He scooted closer and wrapped his arm around her stomach. Another wave of heat sent down towards her crouch. She resisted touching anywhere near it. Soon they were both asleep.

She was shaken awake by Derek apologizing, sobbing, talking about killing her. Quickly snapping out of her dreams she smacked Derek, hoping that it would snap him out of it too.

"I'm SO sorry Casey, just wake up! I don't want you dead! I didn't mean to!" He cried into her chest. Quickly she looked at the clock.

_1:52 a.m._

"I'm alive silly!" She took his hand and placed it on one of her eyes so he could feel her blinking.

"You're alive?" He hugged her tightly, "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't, you were dreaming. It was just a dream." She petted his head. This was awkward for her. _I hate him like this. I feel horrible. It feels better to be angry, then to see him like this. I thought it was complimenting that he came to me...He came to me...but...what if I make it worse. I can't, or maybe I can...I don't know. I can't do this. It's so hard. _She tore away from her thoughts.

"It was a dream? No, I, I hurt you, you were bleeding!"

"I am alright. Just go back to sleep, okay?"

"Okay." Derek fell asleep quickly, Casey was too mortified.

Three came sooner than she hoped, and he woke up to the sound of the alarm. Casey sat up on the bed. Derek just smiled at her and fell back asleep. Casey turned off the alarm and went into her room.


	9. To call or not to call Sam

**Author's Note******I would have gotten this up sooner today, but I was at my friend's house playing games! I wish I could tell him I like him, but alas, I am too chicken. Besides, neither of us are 'take charge' kinds of people. Well, anyways, thank you reviewers!!! I love you!

**Disclaimer****** I cried last night…I was 'this' close to owning Life with Derek. Again, it was just another dream…teardrop

Casey forgot to set her alarm clock, so she ended up waking at eleven, when everyone else was up, including Derek. She didn't even think of eating till she got downstairs and saw Derek chomping down on everything in sight. He was eating, at the moment, two carrots and a celery stalk at once. _He's eating healthy food? Well, he's eating it like a monster…Wait…Crap._

Derek was experiencing another part of the withdrawal. Increase in appetite. _Maybe I should make him work out with me. _She put her hands on her hips. _I wonder how much food he went through to get down to the veggies. _Hopefully everyone would blow it off to him just being Derek, or a 'growing boy'. After all that's what she would assume it was.

"Morning Derek." Casey said quietly as she walked in the kitchen, "You need to stop eating, ok? You look like a pig." Derek just laughed, and finished the celery stalk. The carrots were long gone at that point. Casey scrunched her nose at him.

"I'm hungry. I feel like I haven't eaten in _ages._" Casey got closer so she could whisper and still have him hear.

"That's part of your withdrawals. Stop now before someone notices your scarfing down everything. Oh. And work out with me. Remember how you said Sam gained weight?" He nodded his head. "Well this is why."

"How do you even know this stuff?"

"I looked it up." She said swiftly, as though it were obvious.

"See, this is why I came to you. Only you would think of that. Other people would be wondering what was and wasn't the withdrawals." He had a smug look on his face. "Your smarts are of good use to me."

"What?" Casey was shocked. _How dare he say something mean like that. Why does he have to make me feel like a dork! I don't even know why I am attracted to him. Maybe I am just over-reacting. Yeah. Just, calm down Casey._

"What?" Derek asked defensively.

"Nothing."

"It was something." Derek turned his body and closed the kitchen door. "Tell me."

"You made it seem like you're just using my intelligence for your benefit." She sighed thinking, _I am so easy to crack, aren't I. I wasn't going to say anything._

"What do you mean?"

"You said 'Your smarts are of good use to me' and it seemed like you meant 'I am just using you'." Derek smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

"That's not what I meant. It's not my fault you took it that way." In frustration, Casey rolled her eyes and pushed his shoulder.

"That's not very nice Casey." He said gently pushing her back. She bumped against the island counter, and he walked toward her, looking deep in her eyes.

"Derek. Not now. Please." Casey looked down, breaking slowly from his gaze.

"What?" Derek smirked as he kissed her cheek and left the kitchen, closing the door behind him. _Damnit._

Lizzie walked in a few seconds later with a funny look on her face.

"What's wrong Lizzie?" Casey asked politely.

"Did Derek _just _finish eating?"

"Yeah. Why?" She asked, trying not to act suspicious.

"He's been in here since nine, _eating_." Casey's mouth dropped a little.

"Are you serious?" Lizzie nodded her head dramatically.

"I was in the middle of making cereal when he came and took my milk _and _my cereal. Then he ate rest of the cereal and milk. I tried to get him to stop but he acted like I wasn't there. At least I can eat _now..._" Lizzie said, not able to hide her frustration.

Casey walked over to the fridge to get an apple, but sighed when she saw that there weren't any. _How do I make sure he doesn't eat so much? Would it drive him crazy if he didn't satisfy that hunger? Maybe I should talk to Sam. Derek said he went through withdrawals. I figured that Sam hadn't stopped because he took me to see Jake, and he did the pot with me and Jake. Hopefully he hadn't relapsed. That's when all our fights started. I can't beleive that I just realized this..._

"Casey...Casey...CASEY!" Lizzie cried out.

"What?" She looked at Lizzie like she was being silly. It's not like she was hurt.

"I have called your name, like, ten times now. You're staring at the freezer while the fridge is open..." Casey closed it quickly.

"Sorry, I must have just zoned out."

"I'll say..." Casey just smiled at her sister and walked out, not wanting her to ask her what she was thinking about. Lizzie would, because she cares, and though she appreciated that she cares, she just couldn't tell her.

She laid down on her bed and closed her eyes. _To call Sam, or not to call Sam, is that even a good question? _Casey talked to Sam here and there, but she always went to Emily about her problems. She actually never told Emily that Sam took her to smoke marijuana. Em would probably flip, or freak out, if she found out Derek did coke. She probably wouldn't beleive Casey smoked pot anyway. _Maybe, I could go to Sam, without Derek knowing and ask him how he felt going through the withdrawals from the coke. Derek said that Sam's were probably worse because he did it longer than Derek, which is surprising. It's settled. Tonight I call Sam. _

Nora walked in without knocking, Casey just looked at her in anticipation. _Oh god, is she going to pry something from me? She's so good at that? I will have let Derek down..._

"Casey, will you watch Lizzie, Edwin, and Marti with Derek please? I know you don't like to watch them with-"

"Yeah mom." Nora looked at her, then continued.

"Well, I just hope that you guys are serious about dealing with each other better. If I come home and find out you guys fought I will be very dissapointed." Her mom looked at her sternly.

"I know mom. I can handle it, no worries!" She grinned truthfully, glad that they would be gone while she was calling Sam. "Where are you going?"

"We are going to a show, and then to dinner. Here's some money to order pizza. I looked downstairs and didn't realize how little food we had...Me and you will go grocery shopping tomorrow. Sound good?"

"Yep. See ya!" Casey hugged her mom, then Nora left to tell everyone else goodbye. She didn't bother saying goodbye a second time, and just stayed in her room.


	10. Lonely

**Author's Note******I have changed the name from "When Words Are Hard to Say" to "It's You That Gets Me High". I think we would all agree that it fits better. When I saw that I had to have a title I flipped out and just put that, knowing that I would change the title. I hope you like the new title!

**Disclaimer******I don't own Life with Smerek. Silly goose.

Casey walked out of her room about ten minutes after her mom and George left. She reached for the phone to take it off the receiver when Derek quickly ripped it out of her reach.

"Derek, give me the phone." She tilted her head back, not wanting to him to ask her who she was going to call, or why.

"I need to call someone." Casey looked down at him, in a somewhat penetrating glare. He was already dialing.

"Fine. Just give me the phone when you are done." She walked into the kitchen and began making a list of the things that they needed to get at the grocery store tomorrow. Nora wasn't the type to make lists, so she always had Casey do it. They had gotten to the point where she didn't even have to ask Casey to make the list. She did it automatically.

Casey only had three items on her list after ten minutes, because her mind was distracted by who Derek was calling,. and why. The same question that she didn't want him asking her. Maybe it was something that he didn't want her knowing. Casey tiptoed to the other phone and picked it up, her finger covering the part you talk into.

"Just bring it over and I'll pay the difference." She heard Derek's voice boom into her ear.

"No worries?" An almost inaudible voice said on the other end. She couldn't tell who it was.

"Yeah. No worries…" Derek sighed and hung up the phone. She nearly slammed it down as she heard Derek heading toward the kitchen. Quickly, she rushed to the cabinets and flung them open, then jotted down 'peanut butter'. _Jeez! He ate all that too? _

"Here." Derek said, handing Casey the phone. "Who are you calling?"

"Oh, no one. Just Emily. I haven't talked to her in almost two weeks." He didn't question her honesty, and walked into the living room. In the background she heard the familiar sounds of a hockey game. Hesitantly, she dialed Sam's number. It ringed three times before…

"Hello?" Sam's voice rang in her ears.

"Hi Sam, it's Casey." She didn't say anything for a few moments, neither did Sam.

"I'm surprised you called. Is something wrong?" Casey walked over to the kitchen door and slowly closed it. She definately didn't want anyone to hear, especially Derek. In the pit of her stomach she felt twinge of regret.

"I've been thinking about that time that you took me to see Jake." Sam took a sharp intake of his breath. She heard shuffling and a closed door on his end.

"What about it?" He asked kindly.

"Well, remember how you said that you had quit a long time ago? I was wondering what drugs you did most often…"

"Mainly pot, and a good amount of cocaine. I'm real sorry Casey…I shouldn't have taken you to-"

"I forgave you a long time ago. But I'm glad that you apologized." There was an awkward silence. "Do you remember how you dealt with your withdrawals?"

"Yeah, why?" He asked in pure confusion.

"I am doing a project assigned by myself on drugs and getting out of the cycle of using them."

"Eh…" She heard a creak in the background, and quickly ran up the stairs. Sam said something but she couldn't hear him over her rapid footsteps. _Oh god, what if Derek was listening? _

"I'm sorry, will you please repeat that?" Casey asked as she closed her door.

"I remember having these terrifying nightmares, and I would believe them. I remember one where I dreamed that someone killed my mom. I took off trying to find the man so I could ring his neck, but I crashed into a car so I never actually did it. My parents realized what was going on and took me to the doctor. He prescribed medication to help me, and for my depression."

"Medication, like to get rid of it?"

"Well, it doesn't get rid of the withdrawals, it makes them less extreme. I still wanted to get the drugs again. I kept relapsing. I was always tired and hungry. I was _very _depressed." He sighed loudly into the phone. "I've never really talked to anyone about this besides my counselor."

"You have a counselor? Like at school?"

"No, not at school. My mom took me to a professional counselor, not a student counselor."

"Oh. Did it help?"

"Yeah. But I am getting kind of uncomfortable right now, do you mind if we talk in person?"

"I can't right now, I am babysitting...Don't worry though, I guess I could go over on sunday."

"I was hoping that I could go over there, since I havent' seen-"

"NO! I mean, no, sorry. I didn't mean to yell." She visibly shook herself to get rid of her sudden panic. If he mentioned _anything_ to Derek, Derek would be mad at her. "Look, I'll call you later and we will set up when we can meet ok?"

"Sounds good. Bye Casey."

"Bye." She clicked the off button and flung herself backwards on her bed. Derek opened her door, and she gripped at her heart, startled.

"You scared me!"

"Sorry. I heard you scream something, and I wanted to make sure you were alright." She nodded her head.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Who were you talking to on the phone?" Casey said in a somewhat accusatory tone.

"No one."

"Please tell me! If you were buying more drugs then I can't let you talk on the phone!" She stated loudly, her worry was obvious.

"I asked Ben to give me back my jacket that I left at his house. He ruined it and had it laying in his garage. He scraped up some money, but the money that he had didn't cover what it actually cost. I told him I would pay the difference. He didn't beleive me, and I must say...I couldn't believe I said it either."

"Oh." Casey felt so stupid. She was becoming more and more paranoid. "Sorry that I...suspected that you were buying again."

"It's alright, I would suspect me." He shrugged his shoudlers and left the room. _Why does he have to be like that? Shrugging, smirking, smiling, then kissing me, knowing how bad it is and feeling ok about it? How bad this cocaine thing is, and all that I'm doing to help him, and I can't even beleive that I am doing this. And I'm doing it...for him. Why do I care? _Casey started crying to herself. She wished that she had a friend she could go to, but she knew she couldnt' tell anyone. All in all, she felt alone.


	11. Caught

**Author's Note******This time, I actually don't have an author's note, but I feel empty if I don't put one up. Yay! I have reached the eleventh chapter! I am not quite sure how long I am going to make it, but I hope that you don't get bored before I'm finished. It's kinda funny, but I get onto the site and I read it, as though I didn't write it. I go back and I fix problems with it, problems that I catch. Silly huh? Oh, and I am trying to get someone to make a trailer for this on youtube, and if it goes like I hope then I will post a link when I get it! Oh, and I thank Sewinchick for being a faithful reviewer! She doesn't say much, but it makes me feel good! And as always I thank Mac-alicious! Check out her story Mistakes We Knew We Were Making. It's an awesome Dasey story. Wow, this turned out longer than I anticipated.

**Disclaimer******Today I had a revelation. The bag of tostino pizza rolls called out to me and said, "You do not own Life with Derek." I feinted, not because the bag spoke to me, but because I was shocked that it wasn't mine…

Casey dried her tears and looked into her mirror. She could still see the scab on her lips, but the bite mark on her neck was gone. Wiping lipstick across her lips, as she had done all week, she resisted the urge to cry again. _Why does everything have to change?_

She went downstairs and sat softly on the couch. Derek was in his chair, watching another hockey game. He looked at her, but she kept her eyes glued to the TV screen. Derek sighed.

"You hate hockey." He said, his eyes not leaving the screen.

"So. Doesn't mean I can't suffer through it. Do you want me to leave?"

"No. Maybe. Sure. I don't care." He smirked, and then frowned. "Don't leave."

"Wasn't planning on it." She smiled to herself. "Where are Lizzie, Edwin and Marti?"

"Upstairs, playing monopoly." Derek smirked, "Edwin's idea."

"Marti doesn't know how to play that game."

"Lizzie and Marti are on a team. They'll be up there for a while." His smirk still hadn't faded, and his eyes were still on the TV. She had a feeling that he wasn't paying the least bit of attention to it.

"Really? That's nice." She knew what he was trying to do.

"Do you want to sit in my chair." She smiled.

"Yeah sure." Casey hesitantly stood up, but Derek was still planted in his seat. She was confused. He looked directly into her eyes. She loved and hated how penetrating his eyes were.

"Have a seat." Casey crossed her arms and sat back down on the couch. She closed her eyes in mild frustration. _I'm not angry really; I just didn't think he would suggest I sit on his lap. Men…_ Then there was a sudden rush upward and Casey flashed her eyes open and looked around wildly.

"Derek! Put me down!" She said forcefully, wrapping her arms around his neck in fright. He walked backwards and sat down, with her sitting in his lap. Casey forced back a smile, and slapped his chest. Derek just smirked.

"What?" He asked innocently. Casey shook her head and looked away. Derek grabbed her shoulders and pulled her down against him. She stared at the ceiling, as he began to place small kisses on her neck. The area between her legs was becoming wetter with each wave of heat. She pushed his head gently away from her and stood up. He groaned and grabbed her hand, pulling her so swift and quickly towards him that she fell on top of him, their lips centimeters apart.

Without hesitation Casey closed the gap with a hungry kiss. Both of her hands were on his chest, and his hands worked up toward the back of her head, pressing her deeper into his mouth. The kiss was as gentle as it was violent. Their heads turned and turned again, trying to find the perfect position, but nothing would satisfy either of them. Derek's hands moved down her spine, sending tingles throughout her body. She slightly rocked her body, and felt his member getting stiff. Casey pulled quickly from the kiss, shocked, but Derek dove for her neck. She let out a gasp that made Derek groan.

Casey kept trying to pry from his touch, from his kiss, from their lust, but became weak and couldn't manage it. She leaned down to kiss neck and softly bit it; he groaned, then jerked his lower body up. Casey let out a long moan.

Someone upstairs opened the door. In a panic, Casey jumped off Derek and sat on the end of the couch. She stared at the TV as though interested. Derek grabbed a magazine of the end table and laid it down on his lap. The person upstairs walked a bit and then opened and closed another door. Casey started laughing.

"What is so funny?" He looked at her, smiling, obviously too happy to simply smirk.

"Nothing." She said in between her laughs. Derek got up and let the magazine fall to the floor. Quickly he kissed her cheek and ran upstairs. She heard his door softly close. _I can imagine what he wanted to do. Just avoid his room. I can't keep doing that. I just can't. It's, it's, immoral. _

Casey grabbed the remote off the chair and switched channels for a half-hour. Someone walked down the stairs. In the back of her mind she hoped it was Derek, but was still trying to convince herself that she didn't _really _want him. She wondered what he thought of this whole situation. Well, at least _thier _situation. Lizzie sat down on 'Derek's chair'.

"What're you watching?"

"It's been a half-hour and I still haven't figured it out." She said blatantly, still flipping the channels.

"Mind if I watch something?"

"Sure." Casey handed her the remote. "Who won?"

"What?" Lizzie looked confused, but realized what she meant quickly, "Oh! Edwin of course. He's good at that game."

"Yeah." Casey chuckled. Lizzie turned on Smallville. She had never watched the show, but Lizzie seemed to like it. In fact, recently, that was the only showed she was interested in watching. The episode played through and Casey drifted in and out of actually paying attention to it. Clark, the main character, who was the teenage version of superman was obviously in love with someone named Lana. They seemed to make viewers hopeful that it would, in the end, work out, but Casey had seen the superman movies. He always ended up with Lois Lane.

_Maybe that's what would happen if me and Derek got together. I would just be someone that people would be hoping would work out, but in the end, he would end up with some lady that he worked with and had more interests in common with. _Surprisingly, the thought of him even thinking of another girl made her angry. She blew it off and went upstairs.

As she passed Derek's room, she heard him rummaging around, obviously trying to keep something quiet. Her heart jumped, hoping that he wasn't doing the drugs, and opened the door slowly. It took Derek a few seconds to realize that she was watching him jerk off. He looked up quickly when he heard her giggle under her breath, then quickly covered himself with a sheet. His cheeks were as red cherries as she walked quickly out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind her.


	12. Lavender Panties

**Author's Note******This chapter is _juicy._ So…yeah. I like this chapter. Anyone who is worrying about the withdrawals, well next chapter he has one so frightening that he tries to act on it. Read and review!

**Disclaimer******If I owned Life with Derek, there may be more episodes like this written in the script.

Nora and Casey left for the grocery store early Saturday morning. Casey hurriedly finished the list after she had caught Derek. She must admit that she didn't expect him to be doing _that._ After she saw it, she had completely forgotten what she wanted to talk to him about in the first place. Casey got in the passenger side when Marti ran up to Nora.

"Can I go? Please!" Nora looked down at her and smiled.

"Sure, hop in the back seat." Marti put her hands behind her back and tilted her head. She was the picture of innocence.

"Could I please sit between you and Casey?" She looked lovely with doe eyes.

"Aww. Sure Marti." Nora moved aside so she could scoot in. Marti bounced a bit in her seat, and then buckled. Casey and Nora buckled simultaneously. When the car started, Casey rolled down her window and leaned against the edge, peering out to the top floor of her house. She saw Derek smiling at her past the curtain. Quickly jerking her head away, she bumped her head. Marti giggled.

The trip to the grocery store was filled with Marti singing to songs she didn't know. Nora joined in a couple times, and didn't sing much better. At least they were having fun. Casey was lost in her thoughts. _I'm gonna call Sam and tell him to meet me somewhere. But where? What should I tell my mom and George? Would they even believe me? Would Derek insist he go? What if he followed me again? I should pay more attention to my surroundings. I get lost in thoughts too easy. _Her mind kept rambling on about rambling on, and finding a way to stop getting lost in thought. She didn't realize that they were there until Nora opened her door, causing her to slip downward slightly.

"Are you ok Casey?" Nora asked.

"Yeah. I was just lost in my thoughts." Nora and Marti smiled. The three of them walked into the store.

"Casey, would you get a cart please?" Casey pivoted and walked towards the carts and got one. She looked over and saw Sam. He waved and started walking toward her. She looked back and to the sides, scared that mom and sister would hear what he was going to say. When she didn't see anyone she waved back.

"Did you not think I was waving at you?" He asked jovially as he got close enough to begin a conversation.

"Oh, no, it wasn't that. I just didn't want Nora or Marti knowing that I'm talking to you." Sam looked hurt.

"Why?"

"Well, they would get suspicious if they knew I was interviewing you about drugs and withdrawals. I just didn't want you to say anything in front of them."

"Oh, I'm not that stupid. I wouldn't do that." She sighed audibly with relief. "When should we meet up so we could talk more? I was hoping we could also, you know, talk about our relationship." Her heart jumped.

"Eh. I'll call you. Ok? We'll talk about it then. I have to get this cart to my family before I get in trouble for being gone too long."

"Ok, bye."

"Bye." Casey hurriedly caught up with Nora and Marti. Nora was saying something to herself, but she couldn't make out the words. "You ok mom?" She snapped out of her trance and looked at Casey.

"Yeah, I'm good." Casey gave her a 'yeah right' look, but nothing more on the subject was said.

When the shopping was done and the groceries were put away, Casey decided it was time for some exercise. She headed up to her room and locked the door behind her. In case she got lost in thoughts of Derek, she didn't want someone walking in on _her._

But Derek was already in her room, rummaging through her drawers.

"Can I help you?" She said, angry, putting her hands on her hips.

"Eh. Sure." Derek smirked and walked towards her, and she knew what he wanted.

"Derek what were you looking for?" He shrugged, and then continued walking towards her. She backed up, but not in fear, in anticipation. As the distance between them closed, she could feel his hot breath on her lips. She turned her head away, and felt his breath on her neck. Shivering visually, she bit her lip as a wave of heat circulated between her legs. Quickly looking for an escape from her lust, she realized that he had her trapped between the wall and him. Casey put her hands on his chest, gently pushing him away. He complied. "How can you do this…and not feel an ounce of guilt?" Derek looked confused.

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"We're steps. That's what we _have _to be."

"Do you not want me?" Derek smirked. He knew that she wanted him; He was just trying to convince her that it would be okay. She knew that that's what he was trying to do, but she didn't believe it would be okay.

"It's not that, and you know it. You know I want you... _so bad._" She didn't believe it. Casey had never actually admitted to Derek that she _really _wanted him. She told him that it was ok to kiss her, because he thought she would've kissed anyone, but that wasn't true. _Do I have feelings for Derek? _

"Then what's the problem?" He asked sweetly as he pried her hands off his chest and walked toward her, again closing the space. Her breasts lifted up against him and her head leaned back against the wall. _Every time I try harder to resist our urges, we get further…_ She felt him get hard against her stomach. Casey bit her lip and turned to look at him, not able to conceal her want for him. Derek pushed her hair aside and nibbled on her ear, then planted soft kisses on her neck. His hands hesitantly reached underneath her shirt and reached toward her chest. Her breathing became heavier, and his did as well. She reached back and snapped off her bra and took it off without taking off her shirt. He teased her nipples till they became erect.

They looked intently into each other's eyes as they both ventured downward on each other. Derek's hands were experienced though, and stopped Casey short when he undid her jeans and stuck his hand in her lavender panties. She tilted her head upward and quivered at his soft touch. Her eyes softly closed as he began to rub on her clit, Casey's hips moving against him. Derek moaned so softly and quickened his pace on her sex. She needed to grip on something so badly that her left hand flung back and gripped the wall and her right hand gripped on the back of his head. Casey pulled him into a tongue twisting kiss and moaned in his mouth as she came all over her panties and his fingers.

A loud knock was placed on her door. Derek jumped over her bed and laid down on the other side as close to the bed as he could get. Casey quickly zipped her jeans and wiped Derek's saliva off her mouth and opened the door.

"Yeah George?" She asked as innocently as possible. Her crotch was throbbing.

"Do you know where Derek is? I need to talk to him and I have looked everywhere for him."

"No. Sorry." George shrugged his shoulders and Casey closed the door. Derek stood up on the other side of her bed and smiled. She looked down at his crotch. "I'm sorry Derek; I don't know how to fix that." Casey crossed her arms and giggled.


	13. Haunting his dreams

**Author's Note******I have someone on youtube working on my trailer so when they are done I will thank them uber muches and put the link on here for anyone interested in it. I will also put it on chapter one author's note for future fans.

**Disclaimer******I own neither Life with Derek, nor Derek's Life. I would cry, but I have long since shed my tears for this travesty.

Dinner was quite pleasant. Her and Derek got along perfectly.

"-and then I fell off the stage. My dress flipped up and everyone saw that I was still in diapers." Casey concluded about her first dance recital. The table erupted in laughter. "Okay. Now it's Derek's turn to spill one of his most embaressing moments." She added, smirking at him.

"Can't George go before me?"

"Nope. Sorry, it's _your_ turn." Her smirk was firmly in place. Derek made a big, long, exagerate sigh.

"Okaaaayyy. Embaressing moment...Hmmm..." He twiddling his fingers on his chin. Casey glared at him, and he chuckled. "Oh. I got it. In sixth grade we were assigned individual projects and I got assigned the great wall of china. When I was presenting it I said it was eight feet long and I didn't realize why the kids and teacher were laughing at me until Max, this really smart kid, told me it was eight _thousand _feet. They called me Derek the Dunce for a week." Casey laughed and then the rest of the table laughed. "Yeah, I thought you would like that one Casey. Since you're _soo _smart." He mocked. She rolled her eyes at him.

"Ok. George, your turn." Nora piped up amidst thier laughter.

"Aww, why can't I go after Lizzie?" He imitated Derek. Nora looked at him sternly, but still in a jovial way. "Okay, okay. The very first day of my very first job I spilled coffee on my crouch." The guys twinged. "It wasn't hot, so no damage. But what _was_ bad was that everyone thought I had wet myself. I told them it was coffee but Norman's first day he _actually_ wet himself and blamed it on a coffee spill. Which is why they didnt' beleive me." Everyone at the table were already gripping thier sides in uncontrolable laughter.

"My turn?" Lizzie asked, fearful. Edwin nodded his head dramatically. "Ok. There was this cute boy in third grade. At the time I didn't know it was called a 'crush', and I didn't know it was wrong to follow him around all the time. One day, when I was chasing him in what I _thought_ was a game of tag, he turned around and stuck his tongue out. I got mad, took his arm and flipped him over my shoulder. I felt so bad. He went to the nurses office for a few cuts from the wood chips." Everyone at the table giggled, and Derek high-fived her. Her cheeks were red and she had a huge smile plastered on her face.

Derek had three helpings, and when he was done he went right to bed. Casey stayed in her room excerising for a while. When it was nine she went to tell everyone ,except Derek, good night, because he was already asleep, then went back to her room and worked on her Lord of the Flies report. _I don't know how many times I have been over this but it has to be perfect._

After reading and re-reading, adding and erasing, spell and grammar checking her project, Casey checked the clock.

_11:03 p.m._

She grabbed a cover and pillow and headed to Derek's room. He was sleeping peacefully, as she had predicted. Derek had gone to bed a half hour after he finished his third helping of dinner. As quietly as possible she set the alarm clock and laid down her things and crawled on the floor, trying to get comfortable.

"Get in bed with me Casey. You know I wouldn't have been mad that you woke me up." She heard him say in a hoarse whisper. Quickly she got on the other side of him and faced him. They looked at each other, smiling softly, and drifted into sleep.

A sudden jolt ripped Casey from her pleasant dream, by Derek's unpleasant one. He sat up, not noticing that she was awake. In a rush he got dressed and stormed out of the room. Jumping out of the bed and treading lightly, chasing him, she called out his name.

Then she heard the front door close.

She bolted down the stairs and exited the house. Frantically she searched for Derek. When she found him she chased after him. _Was it his dreams? Did he beleive one of them? What if he's going to kill someone? Like what happened to Sam... Is he going to go after Jake?_

"DEREK!" She called at him over and over. He wouldn't stop running. Casey chased him, realizing that he really was headed to Jake's house. She sped up as much as she could. If he had murder in his mind then all three of them were in trouble. Derek stumbled on sidewalk sticking up, she got closer and was almost close enough to grab hold of him but not quite. Using all the strength she could muster, she went faster and collapsed on his back. They both fell onto the ground.

"CASEY! What are you doing?!" Derek yelled in her face. She reached out to smack him but he grabbed her wrist and pushed her off of him. They both stood up and wiped dirt from various parts of their clothing. "Why'd you follow me? You should be back home, in bed."

"You had another bad dream, just come home." She pleaded grabbing his hand. Casey was too weak to even lift and pull it from the fast running she had just done. She was still panting. Derek ripped his hand away from her, his eyes were glazed over.

"NO! Casey, he raped you! He's gonna pay..." He turned but she ran in front of him.

"No, he didn't Derek. He only tried, and I'm so lucky that I got away. You already saved me! Remember?" His expression was unreadable, and he looked past her in the direction of Jake's house. "Derek." She pleaded with her eyes, hoping that he wouldn't do anything stupid.

"Casey, I saw it. You can't lie to me, don't try to _protect _him!" He now looked at her, piercing her heart with his eyes.

"I'm NOT! He didn't rape me. It didn't get that far. I would have told you if it did. I trust you! I want you to trust me when I say that it didn't happen." Casey was in tears and hitting his chest. Derek's anger dissappeared and he wrapped his arms around Casey. _Oh my god, I can't beleive any of this. I have lost complete control of myself and have fallen helpless to Derek...My worst enemy. What would make me any different from other girls that he has been with...I'm nothing special._

"Casey. This time it wasn't a dream. You can't just use that against me."

"I'm NOT Derek! You're not listening! I was a virgin before I gave Jake the coke, and I was a virgin when I ran away!" Casey was yelling desperatly in the night, not caring if anyone woke, or came and saw her. As long as Derek would just come home.

"Casey. Do you really not want me to beat him up?" Casey sighed with relief. Even if she couldnt' stop Derek, no one would be dead.

"Please don't." Derek looked down and released her from his hug. They backed from each other.

"Fine." Casey and Derek walked back to their house in silence.


	14. Before morning breaks

**Author's Note******This is more emotional, lovey stuff. It's in Casey's head of course, and she is kind of girly so I thought it fit. It's also really short, I think that this should just be a little segment all it's own, okies?

**Disclaimer******Upon watching the credits of Life with Derek I discovered that they didn't put my name where it was supposed to be. In fact, they didn't have _anywhere._ I must have been in fantasy land to not realize that Life with Derek, wasn't mine.

Casey didn't know what time it was, but it wasn't anywhere near morning because the sun hadn't even begun to peak. Derek had laced his fingers around Casey's as they walked back to their house. She had dreamt of the emotion that just holding his hand brought, but she hadn't anticipated that it would hurt, and she hadn't expected it to be Derek. Constantly, in her head, she reminded herself that it wasn't going to end pretty, and that she is not the one he is supposed to end up with. Whatever they did after they turned eighteen would be legal, but immoral, and probably frowned on by most people. She couldn't think of one person who might accept them that she knew already.

In her mind, with other boys, she had pretended to feel this. For a while, she believed that it was real. It would_ never_ come close to this. She was so connected to him at this point, that even if they weren't holding hands she would still feel his touch. Casey enjoyed the feeling.

The very moment they got in the house she glanced at the clock over the mantle.

_2:59 a.m. _

She let out a sigh of relief. Derek, still holding her hand, took her to her room and laid in the bed next to her.

"Casey, you promise to me that it was just a dream?" He whispered into her hair.

"Yes."

"Do you promise that you aren't using this to mess with my head?"

"Yes." There was silence for a few minutes. She thought he had drifted to sleep before he began to speak again.

"I'm starting to have stronger feelings for you Casey. Honestly, I'm scared. I don't know what to do about it." She didn't say anything. Casey was afraid too. Derek seemed to get more sentimental at night. "I don't want to say its love. That would be like committing to you. Not that I wouldn't mind it, but I don't want it yet." Still, she remained silent. "I like being with you. No one has ever stuck by my side like you have." Casey sighed.

"I don't know what to say Derek. For once, you have left me speechless." But she sounded mildly sarcastic.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Then what is it?" Casey turned to look at him. Her eyes stared through him.

"How do I know that you really like me? What if it's just a side effect of the cocaine withdrawals? Maybe you formed your attraction to me while you were on the coke? I don't know that, or pretend to know it, and what would make you so sure that those kinds of feelings are even real?" Derek looked a bit hurt, but it faded quickly and he took a defensive stance.

"Why do you have to make this difficult? It's hard for me to just _say _it, okay?"

"I'm not making it any more difficult than it has to be! I just want to know, basically, when you starting feeling that way about me."

"Why couldn't you have just said that?" She just looked at him. Derek sighed. "Remember when I told you about the girl I liked?" Casey nodded her head. "Remember when I pretty much told you that it was _you._" Again, she nodded her head. "Don't you remember when I said that I had been attracted to her since we _met?_"

"Oh. I…I didn't catch that." He smiled down at her.

"You have no idea how hard this is. Anytime I felt close to someone I would run from it, and get as far away as I could from it. But I've seen your bad side, and I've seen your good. Both are tantalizing."

"Wow Derek, are you sure that word isn't too big for you?" She smirked at him. He nudged her arm and smirked back. Niether of them went to sleep, and held each other in pure silence till five in the morning. Derek left the room and she quickly fell asleep.


	15. Meet me at 3

**Author's Note******I might reach chapter twenty, or twenty five, before I finish the story. I'm glad and thankful for anyone who reads this story and watches for my updates. I am proud that I update quickly, without it sounded washed up or too quick. I actually dream up some of this stuff. Does that surprise anyone? When it's complete, I would like people to tell me their thoughts on the ending, if I ended it well, if I fulfilled any fantasy they may have due to my story. I even hope to inspire people to write their own. I know that I am always looking for new and inspiring stories. . Enjoy.

**Disclaimer******The common-knowledge fairy left a note under my bed. It said, "Only spare few people actually own a piece of Life with Derek, none of which are you." I silently cried.

Casey woke up a lot later than she had hoped. It was one in the afternoon, Sunday, and Sam was probably wondering when she was going to call. Her heart raced as she put on clothes and whisked herself down the stairs to the phone.

Nora was chatting away on it. _Damn it._ Casey walked into the living room and sat down. Edwin was in the recliner, flipping through channels. When he reached to one he liked, business network, he set the remote down and looked at her.

"How've you been Casey?" He said emphatically. _Oh god, does he know something?_

"Fine, you?" She said sweetly, glancing quickly at him.

"You don't have a better answer than that?" She started to get hot in the face.

"I've been fine. What more do you want? A syllabus of my week?" He smiled slightly and chuckled. In a swift movement he sat next to her on the couch.

"No, no, just a confession of you doing something _bad._" Casey cocked an eyebrow, hoping that he knew nothing of what she and Derek had been doing.

"To what? I've done nothing wrong" He smirked. A true Venturi. _I wonder if George ever smirks at my mom…_

"I know what you've been doing." Casey turned away then looked back at him, still shocked. _How could he possibly know? Maybe we weren't hiding it that well…play it cool, pretend you don't know what he's talking about._

"I don't know what you're talking about; I do a lot of things."

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about." Edwin brought his voice down to a whisper, "I know you've been sneaking out and going to Sam's." Casey opened her mouth, and was about to correct him when she stopped herself. He went on. "I tried to eavesdrop on the call you made to Sam, but when you heard the floorboard creek you ran upstairs. I know now that I could've used the phone in the kitchen, but oh well." He grinned devilishly.

"You're right." Edwin leaned back, in mild shock, but still smiling that he caught good Casey sneaking out like a bad girl. "I have been sneaking out to talk to Sam. Emily and I had a fight and I thought he was the only person I could turn to." She tried to increase her sincerity. If he had the least bit of doubt in her, he might investigate more.

"What do you have for me that would make me not want to tell Dad and Nora?" Casey furrowed her eyebrows.

"Like I would have any clue what you would want." He crossed his arms.

"If you really don't want me to say anything to them, I suggest you don't talk to me like that." She sighed.

"What would you like?" He looked up in thought.

"How about you do chores for me, for two weeks? I won't say a word, you just tell Dad and Nora that you and I made a bet on stock prices and you lost." Casey thought for a moment and nodded her head in defeat.

"Just don't tell anyone. Especially not mom or George, but don't tell anyone else, okay?"

"You have my word." Edwin walked back to the recliner and sat down. She got up and went back into the kitchen, hoping that her mom was done with the phone, but she was still on it. Casey walked up behind her mom and tapped her mom on the shoulder.

"Mom?" Nora turned to face her daughter.

"Yeah Casey?" She asked, somewhat agitated.

"Please tell me when you're off the phone?" She nodded her head and turned away, giving Casey the hint that she needed to get out of the kitchen.

She headed upstairs and walked in Lizzie's room. Lizzie was lying down, writing in her journal, but stopped when Casey walked in. She closed the journal and sat up.

"What's up?" She asked, but in a concerned way not a friendly way. Lizzie always seemed to know when Casey wanted to talk about problems. It warmed her heart that she could count on her sister to always be there for her. _That's how Derek feels about me…isn't it? Was that what he was trying to say last night?_

"I have a situation…and I don't know how to deal with it. I usually go to Paul during the school year, or Emily, sometimes you, but I can't really go to anyone about this one. If I say too much about it…I don't know." Casey sat down on the bed and put her knees to her chest. "I don't want anyone to worry about me, and I don't want you to worry about me. I can't talk to the person who is kind of in the situation with me. How can I get advice…without letting anyone know?" Lizzie scooted closer to her sister and put her arm around her.

"Before we lived here, remember that church that was by our house?" Casey lifted her head up and turned to her sister. She hadn't expected her to not question what the problem was.

"Yeah, I remember."

"Well, Mom would go to the church, and use the confessional when she felt like she couldn't turn to anyone for advice." Casey smiled, and hugged her sister. She said a muffled 'Thank you', and left the room.

As she walked to her room, her mom walked up the stairs with the phone. She smiled nicely at Casey and handed it to her. Then, without a word, she walked away. It kind of hurt, but she didn't actually know why.

Quickly dialing the number, she went in her room and locked the door. Just in case anyone was listening, she turned on music while it was ringing.

"Hello?" A woman's voice asked kindly on the phone.

"Hi, this is Casey. Is Sam there?"

"Yeah, hold on a moment." Seconds later Sam's voice echoed in her ear.

"Casey? I thought you weren't going to call."

"Sorry, I woke up late, then my mom was on the phone."

"It's alright. I'm glad you called."

"Uh…Do you have any ideas?" There was a silence, for his thoughts.

"How about we meet at the new ice cream parlor?" Casey thought for a moment. _It'll probably be packed, due to the fact of it being a summer afternoon. No one will eavesdrop. Derek's still in bed. _

"Sounds good! I'll tell my mom where I'm going and I will meet you there at…" She glanced at the clock. It was nearly two-thirty. "At three. Okay?"

"Yep, see you there. Bye."

"Bye." Casey waited for him to click off and then she hung up the phone. She headed downstairs and found her mom talking to George at the front door. When George kissed her on the cheek she made a move to speak with her mom.

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it alright if I go to the ice-cream parlor in a half-hour?"

"Yeah. Do you need any money?" Casey shook her head no. She smiled and kissed her mom's cheek.

A half hour later, she headed to the ice-cream parlor. She was glad that Derek was still in bed.


	16. Icecream parlor and a solemn confession

**Author's Note** This is my longest chapter I have so far. It's alot of talking, but I hope it satisfies everyone's conclusion to talking to Sam and using a confessional. . READ AND REVIEW PLEASE 

**Disclaimer **It's funny that everytime I do the disclaimer I find a fun new way to make some people giggle. It's also funny that when my cat was doing his jumping jacks that he got his claws stuck in the wood. Bummer. Ps. I don't own Life with Derek.

Casey jogged to the ice-cream parlor. It wasn't that far, and with all the running she had been doing lately, she didn't break a sweat. She wasn't sure if she should wait outside or inside, but decided to get a seat anyway. After about a minute of waiting, Sam sat in the seat across from her. He examined her face features for a minute, smiling.

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Just _looking _at me."

"Sorry." He looked down in mild embarrassment.

"On with the interview? or…" She was hoping that they didn't talk about their relationship. Casey remembered feeling so vulnerable to Sam, and though she knew now how she could just resist him, she didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"Yeah. Ask away."

"How long did it take for your withdrawals to stop?" Sam leaned back in thought.

"A couple of months." She put her head in her hands and muttered 'shit'. Then, due to a thought, she snapped her head up.

"But you kept relapsing right? Which is why it took so long?"

"Yeah."

"If you hadn't relapsed, then how long do you think it would've taken?"

"Maybe a month and a half." She heaved a sigh.

"What if someone was only mildly addicted, how long would it take? Just an estimate, I won't quote you on this one. I'm just curious." He leaned forward.

"Maybe two or three weeks." Casey folded her arms on the table and laid her head down. Sam reached out and took her hand in his. She was happy that it wouldn't be that long and Derek would be good. His withdrawals didn't really start till Thursday, and she hoped that she had already seen the worst of it. In all honesty, she didn't know how much she could take.

"What's wrong?" Casey took her hand away from him. "I'm sorry." She looked up at him with a twisted expression. "What?"

"Nothing…"

"Casey, do you still love me?" She lifted herself up and turned toward the door. _I want to leave…but I know that I have to talk about this._

"I don't know if it was anything more than affection, or infatuation. I'm just a teenager. Most teens _never _experience love." He looked down. "Don't think that I didn't care, it's just…lately…I don't know." Her head started swimming in thoughts of Derek. Casey's heartbeat sped up with the thought of him, and it hurt. It hurt _so _much.

"I get it."

"What?" She looked intently at him.

"You know, I never felt love either. I guess that's why I took you to see Jake, why we kept having those fights. We just didn't _click_."

"Just because we had those fights didn't mean we didn't click. I think it was just our personalities. You're too laid back and too secretive. I really don't know that much about you." He looked away, and Casey looked down at the table.

"Again, you're right." She sighed in annoyance.

"Stop that!" He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at her.

"Stop what?"

"Saying that I'm right!" She slammed her hands down on the table, and her eyes bored holes into his.

"What's wrong with saying you're right? I can't agree with you?" Casey looked up and closed her eyes. "When we were going out, we would fight because of _you_. You wouldn't just pick something; you had to have me make a decision. What if I was afraid that you wouldn't enjoy what I picked?"

"What if you picked something, and it turned out I loved it?"

"I didn't know what you liked, and I just wanted to make sure you were happy. It didn't make sense that _every time _I tried, you got mad at me."

"I'm sorry. That's part of why I didn't want to talk to you about this."

"I just wanted to talk. You didn't think that I would try to get back with you did you?" She looked away. In fact, she had been afraid because she didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"I guess I did. I don't want to be with you anymore, it would just end up the same. Plus, any feelings I had are gone. I'm good just talking to you as a friend. You like us being friends, right?"

"Yeah, actually I like it a lot better. Even though I miss kissing you. You were always so good at that." Casey looked at him and smiled.

"Friends?"

"Friends." They just looked at each other. His eyes never looked at her like Derek's did, and that was okay. In some small way, she was glad that they talked about this. A while back, they had tried to have a conversation about it, but it didn't work. They fought, well Casey got angry and Sam got confused.

"I have to go." Sam said reluctantly. She could tell that he enjoyed the friendship. "You want a ride back to your house?"

"No. Could you give me a ride to a church?"

"Yeah, what religion are you?"

"Don't matter I just need one that has a confessional and a priest." He gave her a funny look and shook it off. She hoped to god that he wouldn't piece anything together in his head.

They drove to a catholic church, and Casey was paying close attention to their direction. She would be jogging back home, and did not want to get lost. In their silence Sam coughed a few times before asking her something.

"Why do you need to use a confessional?"

"Well, if I felt like I could go to someone I knew I wouldn't be using it would I?"

"Is it that bad?"

"Is what that bad?"

"Whatever it is you are going through." His eyes never left the road, but she could see concern on his face, and hear caring in his voice.

"Sometimes, but I have been dealing with it. I just need advice, for the next step I need to take. This is the first time I have tried to rely on myself. It must be horrible that _again_ I break."

"No. Everyone needs someone to go to. If they didn't they would probably be depressed, lonely, and kind of afraid to do something about it." She smiled to herself. When they got to the church she leaned over and hugged him. Sam reluctantly hugged her back. Casey got out, waved good bye and headed into the church.

The interior was much more beautiful than the outside would ever be. From the outside you barely notice the intricate stained glass, but on the inside the sunlight shone through it littering the pews with multicolored light. She glanced to her left and saw a tiny room jutting out from the wall. Knowing that this was the confessional, she walked over and got into the side that wasn't for the priest.

Casey waited a few minutes, and the priest came in. She turned away from the screen, hoping that she would never see him again in case he recognized her or her voice.

"What's wrong child?" She gave a small sigh.

"This is the first time I have ever done this. I need to know if you will be telling anyone what I'm going to say. "

"This is a confession to god my dear. I am but a median for you." Casey didn't speak for a couple of minutes.

"About a year ago, my mom got remarried to a man named George. He had two sons and a daughter. The oldest is my age. I think I am falling for him." She waited a few moments before going on. "I even thought he was cute when I first met him, I would fight with him constantly, he always found ways to purposely hurt my feelings. Recently he came to me about his drug abuse and begged me to help him get over it. I wondered why he had come to me. He said that it was because I was 'logical', but I think it was because he was falling for me. In fact, he admitted it to me later." A tear escaped her eye. "I am helping him out with his withdrawals, while trying to keep it a secret. Is it right to help him with something like this and not tell anyone?"

"Helping him is a big step, if you fought as much as you say. You are truly good person. He is good for knowing that he needed help. God will be with you both."

"But what about us being step brother and sister? Is it wrong to feel the way I do?"

"Because you are not blood and have not grown up together as brother and sister, it is okay to feel that way. To act on it is between you and God."

"But can't you tell me? I don't know what to do!"

"I can't give you an answer if I do not know the answer." She sighed in mild disappointment. It must really be between her, Derek, and God.

"Thank you. I appreciate what help you have given."

"I will pray for you dear." She heard him clasp his hands together and mumble a few words. Slipping out of the confessional as he prayed, she left the church and jogged home.


	17. Resistance

**Author's Note******Since it was going to take a couple of weeks, which became evident last chapter, I already had decided to post this which summarizes the week after what happened last chapter…among other things. It's shorter than a lot of my chapters, but I just wanted to get this out of the way. If anyone has questions on it, just ask, and if I leave out information that seems important to you, tell me what it is and I will probably add it. I am also sorry that I didn't update yesterday like I usually do, but I went to church in the morning and when I got back my sister was on, then I went to a party and when I got home this site wasn't letting me log on. So, I am going to try to post more than I usually do today. So yeah.

**Disclaimer******Hi, this is Dye-my-hands-yellow, back from the grave. I own Life with Derek, just so you know. Hi, this is Dye-my-hands-violet. it appears that the real Dye-my-hands-violet, my good twin, has caught the evil. My apologies. I'm just going to go beat it out of her. Enjoy the story!

The week flew by in a blur. Casey hung out with Derek for most of it, playing poker and war in his room on his bed. He would sneak a few kisses, but she made sure the door was open. She was trying to stop it, but hanging out with him hooked her more and more to him. The house was a lot calmer since they started helping each other out. _I wonder if it was meant to be this way, if everything is calmer. Just one relationship, me and Derek, changes so much. Maybe god, _she thought, _will send me a sign…So I know if I would be doing the right thing staying with or breaking up with him. _

The withdrawals seemed to be weakening. Well, the dreams at least. Late at night when she was in bed with him, Derek would have the nightmares, but he knew that they weren't real. He slept most of the day, and would eat a lot when he was awake, talking about something in his throat. She didn't understand.

Casey tried to not go to his room at night, because he didn't believe the dreams, but he ended up sleeping in her room every night. Still, she loved and hated every thing about him. To his touch, she felt helpless.

It was Sunday, one week since she talked to Sam and the priest. Sam helped quiet her fears on handling the withdrawals. The priest didn't help as much. She wasn't sure if she should be with Derek. In a lot of ways, it felt right, and in some ways it felt wrong. Casey hated that he wasn't having this problem with it, and in the back of her mind she hoped that George and her mom would divorce. She hated herself for thinking it, and hoped that she could forgiver herself.

Normally, she didn't pray to God, but she had prayed every night for a sign showing her right and wrong when it came to Derek.

Her and Lizzie talked a lot about stupid stuff, but she could tell that Lizzie wanted to get her in a comfort zone so she would spill what it was that made her go to the confessional. She was doing the chores that Edwin had, faithfully, and was glad that he didn't know the truth. Besides, she kind of liked cleaning. Nora was avoiding her, at least that's what it felt like, but it could've just been that Casey wasn't going to her as much as she used to. After all, she had begun to deal with things on her own, and didn't run to her mom like usual.

It all seemed so silly to her now. The fights she would have with Derek, telling her parents, going to Emily about _everything_. It seemed like she was so reliant on everyone else. Casey did know that it was good to go to people sometimes, but she did it every time.

But now, she also had Derek. He was sitting in front of her the very moment she summed this up, and was looking intently at her with a smirk. She had hoped that she would find something profound in the summary of her week that would tell her what she should do, because she longed to kiss him again and to feel his touch again. Resisting made it so much harder.

Derek leaned in, sensing her want, but paused a few centimeters from her lips. Casey closed her eyes, so that if she didn't see him she wouldn't reach into the kiss.

"Don't resist me." She felt him smirk as his lips fell on hers. Forgetting where she was, she kissed him back, her tongue reaching every part it could reach. It felt so good to be kissing him again.


	18. How you really feel

**Author's Note****** This is my first erotic scene, so I would like for people to tell me how I did, and maybe give advice for my next fic. This one is also a bit shorter. After all, I like where I leave this one off. I think it makes you want to read more. Because I have put this one up, you know that the end is coming up shortly.

**Disclaimer****** My life is ruined. I don't own Life with Derek. His life is ruined too because I would've made it wonderful…-.

Casey tried to break from the kiss by walking toward his door, but he followed her lips and was in front of her walking backwards. She had gone into his room, because her bed was too small for them to continue sleeping in it with each other. He was up against his mirror when they finally broke from the kiss. Her lips were open, and she was breathing heavy. They had been kissing for minutes, but she couldn't bring herself to leave. Instinctively she pressed his shoulders against the door and started kissing and biting his neck. He made a funny noise in his throat.

In a swift movement, Derek switched their positions. He attacked her neck in eager nibbles and kisses. She was already wet, and she knew what she wanted. Casey wanted to act on it, and damned be the consequences.

His hands moved from her hips, and up the back of her shirt. She knew the move he was making, and mimicked him by taking off his shirt. Derek took her shirt off a lot slower, but when he did, she quickly unsnapped her bra and flung it away. He froze to admire her breasts. Her nipples were erect, and she saw his pants begin to bulge outward. Casey was trying to reach down and unbuckle his belt, but he lifted her up and gently placed her on his bed, as if she were breakable.

Before he had the chance to get on top of her, she grabbed his shoulders and flipped him beneath her and straddled him. The pressure of his erection between her legs made her sigh. She started to rock on him, liking the way it felt against herself.

"Are you okay, with us…doing this?" Derek asked nervously. She leaned down and kissed him on the neck, not answering his question. "Casey." He sighed into her hair. She bit down, and he thrust his lower body upward. A small moan escaped her. She didn't want to say that she wanted him out loud, and was mildly afraid that she would have to. Either way, it was happening tonight.

Frustrated, she started pulling off his pants. Before she could get them down, however, Derek flipped her on her back. He kicked them off and started biting her neck, trailing kisses down on her breasts. Casey softly dug her nails in his back.

This touch made him start kissing down her belly, and to her pelvis. Slowly, he took off her pants, with her glaring at his slow pace.

Her panties were black and lacy. He could see through but tugged them off anyway. His fingers softly touched her, and she arched her back slightly. Derek smirked. Softly, he rubbed her clit and stuck two fingers in her entrance. She let out a soft moan.

"Derek. I want you."

"I want you too." She sat up and lifted his head to her lips and kissed him hungrily. Casey then leaned back, taking him with her, and opened her legs. He pulled off his boxers, staring at her eyes the entire time. "You are sure?"

"I thought you never thought about what you're doing."

"Hmm. I have to think with you…" He smiled and she smirked.

"I'm sure Derek. I have racked my brain about this; please don't make me think more." Derek grinned, leaned over his bed to put a condom on, and then started kissing her neck.

He slowly entered her, causing her legs to slowly lift. Casey bit her lip in pain, but also in pleasure.

"You okay?" She nodded her head and started kissing him. Derek slowly went in and out of her, sighing harder each time.

"Oh, Derek, deeper." She breathed out, trying to be quieter, but was focused on other things. He shoved his member deeper and she arched her back, causing her breasts to go in his face. She writhed beneath him in pleasure, and he started going faster.

Casey tried to hum, to keep herself from moaning, but they escaped despite her attempts. She gripped roughly at his back as their hips rocked against each other. Feeling herself tense up, she knew she was about to cum.

"Faster." She moaned out. Derek grunted and went faster. Their breaths and moans mingled as they simultaneously came. Derek laid his head on her breasts and she placed a hand on his head. He was still in her, and everything was warmer inside, and colder outside. When they caught their breaths, Derek pulled out of her and laid on her side. His eyes were at breast level but he was looking up at her. He wasn't smirking, or frowning, just looking.

"Casey. I love you." And without thinking, she responded.

"I love you too Derek." No thoughts necessary to know how to say how you really feel.


	19. God's Sign

**Author's Note******I decided I wasn't going to write anymore of this story. HA! Got you didn't I? Well, I am going to finish this story then write another! The plot line with be different, and in Derek's POV. I won't be writing it immediately after this one is finished though. Sorry to anyone who is interested. PS. Plot twist. It's probably overused, but I am using it as "God's Sign". Hence the name of the chapter. (Also, if you do or don't believe in God I dont' want that to be an issue when it comes to reading my fic. We cool?)**Read and Review Please!!!**

**Disclaimer****** Life with Derek isn't mine. If it was I would have, like, an orgasm. You know that you would too if you owned it.

Casey and Derek laid naked in his bed. Casey had forgotten to set the alarm clock and ended up waking at eleven. In a panic she got her clothes and put them back on. Just as she reached for the door someone knocked on the door. Quickly diving past a mess, she hid in his closet and peered through the screen. George walked in and shut the door. He walked to Derek's bed and shook him. Thank god he was covered. Hopefully he doesn't notice that he is naked. Derek sat up.

"Morning' son. I have to talk to you about something. Derek looked around the room, obviously looking for Casey, but noticed the time and looked at his dad.

"Yeah?"

"Well, you and Casey have gotten a lot closer. I'm so proud of you." George gasped back, and Derek looked at him funny. Casey couldn't see his face. "I have to tell you something." Derek looked truly concerned, and Casey assumed that George was crying or on the verge of tears. "I need you to tell Casey to when she wakes up."

"What is it?"

"It has been discovered that Nora has multiple Glomus tumors. It's very rare, and often fatal. There haven't been many survivors…" George bent down and started crying out loud. Derek looked frightened at what to do about his broken down father, or about what Nora was dealing with. In the closet, Casey's hand was clasped tightly over her gaping mouth. She was too shocked to breathe, or to cry. Feeling herself get weak she gripped at the closet door, and blacked out.

When she came to, she was in the living room on the couch. She listened to the voices before opening her eyes. Casey tried to think but couldn't.

"I have to write my will." Nora's voice said softly. "I didn't see this coming. Even though there have been tumors in my family before. I didn't think I would get it."

"I'll be there with you all the way."

"I have to talk to my ex-husband about this. He would get the kids. But he's always busy."

"I love you Nora." There was silence and some shuffling.

"I love you too George." Nora's voice was muffled, and Casey assumed they were hugging.

"Mom?" Lizzie's voice piped in the background. "Derek told me…is it true?" There was an enormous amount of hurt in her voice. Someone sniffled.

"I wish it wasn't." Nora mumbled. Casey sat up.

"They aren't going to try to get rid of it?"

"They are honey, but there is a 95 percent chance that I will die. I need to write my will and talk to your father and…" She burst into tears. Casey felt heavy and weak, and was glad the she was on the couch. She had never passed out before, and the feeling churned in her stomach. Tears started to flow down her cheek and she wrapped her arms around her mom tightly. _I can't let my mom go._

"Nora…We will all be here for you." Edwin said as he walked down the stairs, Derek holding Marti followed behind him. She looked at Derek, and couldn't smile. Her mom was going to die, and her father who barely talked to her would be taking her back in his home. He would probably be too busy there also. Casey would be torn away from Derek's life…

Or was this a sign? Did she pray for her mother's death? A surge of guilt ushered throughout her body made her sob harder and harder. She couldn't see anything through her tears. Still gripping onto her mom, everyone piled around into one large group hug.

Everything they said was muffled in her memory. She was sitting in her room, wondering what she was going to do. Her tears had stopped falling, but her eyes were wet and red. She had even seen Derek cry.

_My mom is going to die. I knew that she was going to die one day…but so soon? I haven't even grown up…Lizzie is still just a kid. I hope and pray on the five percent chance of survival. If she does die…I won't have Derek either. I'll be whisked back to our old home with Dad. I would never get to see Derek. Not that I don't love my dad…it's just…_

Casey felt herself get hot with anger and frustration. _It feels so much better to feel angry, because you don't feel helpless, you don't feel worthless, and no one pities you._

Someone knocked on the door. When Casey didn't answer, they walked in anyway. It was Lizzie. She closed the door behind her. Her eyes were puffy, red, and wet, just like Casey's.

"What are we going to do Casey?" Casey turned away. She didn't know how to answer that. Lizzie sat down on the bed and laid her head on Casey's lap.

"I don't know Lizzie."

"I really don't want mom to die. I want to be able to control it, but I can't. If she does die…I don't want to move."

"Me either." They didn't speak for a few minutes. A few minutes, seemed like forever.

"I know what's been going on Casey." Lizzie said amiably into the silence. "Edwin tried to tell me you had been sneaking out with Sam. But I knew what it really was."

"Do you know the whole story?"

"I'm pretty sure I don't, but I know you have been spending the nights with Derek."

"Does anyone else know?" Casey said in monotone. Her eyes were gazing off past anything that was really there.

"I didn't tell anyone. But I don't know if anyone else knows."

"I love him." Lizzie didn't look shocked, but she didn't respond for a while.

"Maybe you were meant to be with him…if mom really does…" Lizzie started whimpering. Casey sat her up and hugged her. _Why do all good things have something bad with it?_

**Clickie the submit review. **


	20. Enjoying what time is left

**Author's Note******To the anonymous reviewer Meg: Thank you for your thoughtful insight. It makes me thrilled that you read my fic and take the time to point out what I did good, a little of the bad, and the questions at the end that help round off this chapter. I hadn't thought of her growing distant from Derek, but come to think of it, she would probably try. Thank you Meg!

To a couple of anonymous reviewers on the church and god and step thing. I know that in the bible it says that step is incest, and I tried to insinuate that the priest new it, him being a priest of course. But I was trying to give him a personality, though small, by telling her that it was between her and God and he had no right to interfere in that. I appreciate that you brought it to my attention, so I could tell anyone else why I wrote it the way I did.

Also this is my _longest_ chapter yet.

**Disclaimer******I was watching an old Life with Derek episode the other day. It was the one with "Icky Vicky" in it. Remember at the end of the episode when he is kissing her cousin, which was technically his cousin too (step of course). Well, if I owned Life with Derek that would've been Casey. But it wasn't. So, damn it.

Casey ceased all of her thoughts. She couldn't bear to think of anything. Her stomach was constantly aching, her head was in pain, and she felt like she was always spinning. She completely forgot about Derek and his withdrawals, not that they were getting worse, but she wasn't trying to make him stop eating or sleeping so much, and forgot to go to his room.

In fact she barely noticed anyone around her, including her mom. She felt that in some way this was her fault. Casey was the one who loved Derek, and wanted to be with him. Casey wanted God to give her a sign if they belonged together. If her mom died, would it even be worth it to be with Derek? If she just stopped now, would her mom live?

_I refuse to touch him until I find out what's going to happen to my mom, and my family. _That was the last thought that she had, before she shut her brain down.

Nora was trying as hard as possible to have fun with her kids. She had practically been a mom to Derek, Edwin, and Marti, so she didn't exclude them. Casey just wouldn't join in on the fun. Casey ran the last moment in her head that her mom had tried to get her to be happy.

"_C'mon Casey, lighten up!" Her mom said sweetly. _

"_Lighten up? Mom, maybe you don't realize the gravity of the situation."_

"_It's not gonna get me down. Laughter is the best medicine!" Her voice was still peppy and upbeat. _

"_Mom…You're going to DIE! Don't you get it?!" _

"_I do Casey, that's why I am trying to make sure that if I die you will NOT remember me moping around, sick in bed." Nora's anger flared with the sentence, but she left the room. Casey flung herself onto her pillow and sobbed into it._

Casey was beginning to get hungry. She was trying to keep herself locked in her room, but gave up and went downstairs. Hearing an uproar of laughter she ran downstairs, curious.

There was a twister pad in the middle of the living room, and the couch and chair was pushed back. Nora was bent at a funny angle between George and Lizzie. Edwin, Derek and Marti were sitting on the couch, telling them what hand or foot to put on what color. Lizzie started shaking, then collapsed, knocking George and her mom to the ground with her. Casey started laughing and walked over to them, offering a helping hand. Nora looked up at her, and for a few moments Casey could feel her mom's soul. It was painful, but when her mom grasped her hand and stood up, the connection broke. It was relieving, but also saddening. Casey had become aquainted with this emotion.

Without realizing what was going on, she jumped into the game. Hours passed, but playing twister did not become boring. They joked lovingly with each other. She completely forgot her hunger, and her sadness, her mom dying, and the fact that she was in love with Derek. A grin was plastered on her face, and would not go away even though her cheeks started having muscles spasms.

When the fun with the twister was done, George took them out to dinner.

"So where should we go?" George asked. He looked at Nora.

"Don't look at me, I'll eat anything. Why don't the kids agree on something."

"How about we go to that new restaurant by the old church?" Derek and Casey said at the same time. They looked at each other and smiled. The rest of the family laughed.

"Anyone opposed to that?" Nora questioned at Edwin, Lizzie, and Marti. They shook their heads 'no'.

The drive there was quick. It was by the same church where she used the confessional. Her heart skipped, but she blew it off, knowing that nothing was going to be revealed. After all, they didn't know she had gone there, except Lizzie of course, but her lips were sealed.

The dinner was exquisite, and they had so much fun just being with each other. George cracked a joke that she didn't catch. Lizzie started laughing so hard she cried. Then, she began to cry hard into her hands. The sudden mood change caused everyone to become silent, and they tried to comfort Lizzie.

"Lizzie what's wrong?" Edwin asked emphatically, truly concerned. Lizzie actually didn't cry that much, but like her she had been lately. Casey admitted to herself that she cried more that Lizzie.

"I don't want to leave you guys! If mom dies, I don't want to leave." She bent over and laid her head on the table. Casey could feel herself welling up with tears. Her eyes darted to Derek, because she knew that she didn't want to leave him. Not now that they had a true friendship, and that they had loved one another. She turned back towards Lizzie.

"Maybe, I could have you stay at my house and we could still be one happy family?" George asked solemnly.

"But what about thier father? He wouldn't want you to be their father when he is the father. Sure he is often busy, but he loves them to death." Nora inquired.

"Well, I mean, I wouldnt' be thier parent anymore...I would just be their guardian. Thier father would of course be their father. They would just be living with me. Casey and Lizzie, are pieces of you. I don't want to lose any of you Nora." Nora's tears started forming in her eyes, and she had a wide loving smile on her face.

"Oh George." She hugged him. Everyone watched them, not in disgust, but in happiness. Thier expressions were all different, but with the same loving emotion in it.

After that they acted like nothing happened, and went back to laughing and joking around. Casey was confused. _How can you just act like nothing happened? Erasing everything that just went on...I know I wouldn't be able to do that. I think I should tell my mom...about me and Derek. I think she deserves to know._

"What's wrong Casey?" The laughter again ceased. Nora looked deep at her, but also kind of fearful.

"Mom, I need to talk to you." She looked at the table. Each individual face changed. "Privately. Can we go to the car?" Her mom nodded her head. They walked to the car outside and Nora got in the driver seat, while Casey got into the passenger seat. Her mom turned to look at her,

"What is it Casey?"

"It's really hard for me to say this." She thought to herself, _I just won't tell her about the cocaine and Jake, she has enough to worry about. All she needs to know, is my relationship with Derek._

"I'm ready when you are."

"You wont' get mad...I hope. The last thing I want is for you to hate me, before you go." Casey was obviously trying to stall. She couldn't find the right words.

"Nothing you say will _ever _make me hate you. I thought you knew that dear." Casey looked down and smiled. She wondered if Derek would be mad that she leaked out what they had done. Maybe her mom didn't need to know they had sex. _Ugh. It sounds so gross in my head. Why does my body and mind disobey one another? _

"I know. It's just." She looked at her mom. The words seemed to just flow out after that. "Remember how I said that me and Derek had found a way to work together? Well, once we started getting along, I started getting more attracted to him. When I realized what was happening, I tried to confront him, but we ended up kissing. We started hanging out more and more, and we would sleep in each other's bed. I think we fell for each other mom. I don't know what to do! I asked for God to give me a sign to tell me what I should do, but" Casey started sobbing loudly, "But I didn't want him to kill you!" Nora was already hugging Casey before she knew it and they were both crying loudly. Their tears mingled on each others cheeks and shoulders. When thier cries stopped, Nora pulled away and spoke.

"Casey, if I pass away...You and Derek will have my blessing. If I don't, then you two can't be together. I still love you Casey."

"I love you mom. I don't want you to go!"

"Sometimes, life doesn't go how we would like it to go...we have to accept that, and move on. If we stay in one place out of fear or sadness, then our whole life is put on halt while everyone else moves on. I won't be saddened by this. I have to make sure that if I die you remember me how I want you to. If I live, I will of course still have you and you will still have me, but I am not going to dwell on 'what if'. It's not worth my time, because at this point I don't have much of it left." She smiled proudly. Casey smiled back at her. Nora leaned down and kissed her on the forhead and squeezed her into another hug.


	21. Life without Nora

**Author's Note******The person I had do the trailer finished it! The link won't go onto this page, I don't know why...But I posted a review to this story with nothing but the link, so if you want to watch it go find it in the reviews! It's only one minute, but I like it, I hope you guys do too! This chapter is kind of like a summary of events, but it's got A LOT of details. So it's too long to be a summary, but too quick to be a chapter…hope that makes sense when you read it.

**Disclaimer******Life is a funny thing. Life in general. Also Life with Derek. But I only own my life. Strange…

Derek tried again and again to talk to Casey, but the only time she would let him around her was when they were doing family things. Their friendship strengthened, while their passion fell to the wayside. A week had passed, and it was probably one of the most active weeks she had ever had in her life. They got on a plane and traveled to so many landmarks that the world just blended together. The trip back was sad though, because Nora was going in for her surgery, to try to get the tumors removed.

After that everything got blurry again. She barely remembered going to the hospital and waiting for hours on end for the doctors to tell them something, or for her mom to come out of surgery. George was crying, she remembered that. She stared through him for a long time, thinking of life without her mom.

Something caught her attention. George was talking on the phone to someone.

"Yeah, they would be living with me…Don't worry about that…No, just a guardian…I don't know yet…" He bent over. _Is he talking to my dad?_ "Yeah, she's here. Do you want to talk to her...Ok. I'll tell her…Okay…Okay…Bye." He closed the phone and looked at Casey. She sat up.

"What?"

"That was your father, he told me to tell you that if Nora doesn't make it, it's up to you if you want to stay with me. Lizzie has to stay where ever you choose though. I suggest you talk to her about it." Casey nodded her head and looked away. _What should I choose? I don't know if I could bear to stay with George, Edwin, Marti…and Derek…But Lizzie wants to stay. She's so young, and I would be moving out after this school year. I guess I'll stay. Lizzie already said she wanted to stay. I'll tell my dad. I know he'll understand. He's lived without us for a while anyway. _

That's all she could remember from sitting there. She knew Nora was dead, she could feel it, and she felt dead. From the beginning to the end, she hated all of it…The cocaine, then Jake trying to rape her, talking to Sam, them being steps, having sex, the tumors. She felt like kissing Derek had sealed her fate.

Casey felt like there was a hole in her heart. It made her feel empty, and hollow, and could hear an echo of everything in her head.

"I'm sorry Mr. Venturi…Your wife didn't make it through the surgery. We tried all we could." George and the kids weren't paying attention to anything the doctor was saying anymore. They were in tears…and Casey was silently crying to herself. She could feel herself falling and falling.

The days passed so slowly, and she felt like everything was just a cycle of events that kept repeating themselves over and over. Casey thought she was going to silently go insane. Everyone else tried to act normal, but Casey had let her cleanliness, healthiness, and her attitude disappeared from herself. Her room was a mess, she was wearing the same outfit as the day they went to the hospital, and she hadn't taken a shower since then either. Derek had tried to talk to her, but he had pretty much become invisible. Lizzie talked to her, but Casey wouldn't respond much. She looked to no one for strength, and hoped no one looked to her for it.

In some ways she blamed herself for her mom's death, and in others she blamed Derek. She knew she shouldn't blame any one, Nora wouldn't have wanted it, but it was so hard not to because if you can find a cause then you can try to make sure it doesn't happen again. So she tried not to be with Derek.

The wake was horrible. Her dad came and constantly hugged her, but she just wanted to be alone. Casey couldn't stop crying, and locked herself in the bathroom. When most people had left, she walked up to the open casket at the front of the church and looked over the body of her dead mother. The figure seemed so immovable that the body itself was distorted and twisted from the real world. She reached and opened her mom's eyes. They looked to the left past Casey. She moved to peer into them, but she couldn't feel her mom's soul.

Derek came up behind her and pushed Nora's eyelids down. He hugged Casey.

"It will be okay Casey." She pushed him away.

"No it won't." Casey said it so softly, that she barely heard herself.

"We love each other. Nora told me what you said to her. We have her blessing."

"Did she tell you that I prayed for a sign that we should be together?! It's pretty much my fault she is dead!" He started to say something, but she ran past him, past a small crowd listening in, and outside.

She didn't attend the funeral, because the wake was too much for her.

Casey kept to herself for most of the summer. Derek's withdrawals stopped, and he told her one day that he was thankful for her help. They would talk a lot when she wasn't in her room, but any time he tried to talk to her about 'them' she would walk away. He would try to kiss her here and there, but she was better at dodging now that she pretended more that she didn't want it, even though she did.

Emily talked to her on the phone sometimes, trying to get her out of her shell, but eventually gave up on her. Casey didn't know if it felt so good to have Emily give up, but then again she _was _the one pushing everyone away. Sam called to apologize about Nora's death, but she yelled in the phone saying he shouldn't apologize about something that wasn't his fault, it was hers.

School started and she was more focused then before on her homework. She started washing and cleaning again, so she didn't smell so funky. Her clothes got darker, and she regained her attitude. No one in the house liked it much, and when Paul started asking questions about it, she quit going.

Then things got worse. Derek saw cuts on her legs. He asked where they came from but she wouldn't say anything. She began to wear nothing but pants. One day, George confronted her about an army knife in her room. She denied everything he assumed, but they took her to a psychiatrist and a professional counselor. Casey was put on medication for severe depression.

The cutting didn't stop till winter, but she would always have the scars to bear on her legs. She began to talk to the counselor about her mom's death during spring break. Casey went there, drunk. It was routine for her to go, so she would end up driving herself there.

Then, when the summer began again, she started talking about what happened between her and Derek, and how she felt like everything was her fault and why.

The next step was to finally talk to Derek about it, but she didn't know if she could do it.


	22. I have to explain it to Derek

**Author's Note******I have seen (AU) before…I want to know what that means. If anyone could tell me that would be a big help. Okay, I hope that it gets less emotional for you guys, but it still will be emotional, because she finally talks to Derek about what happened in her mind. FROM THE BEGINNING. Finally(in my opinion). I had to plunge her into an emotional turmoil, because Casey is dramatic. She dealt with the pressure of what was going on with Derek for a while, then their love and when her mom dies, I can imagine her just…snapping. So, she had to snap. Oh! And I want to make sure that everyone got that Casey had been drinking. I made it seem like she only went once drunk, but I wanted to insinuate that she had gone there drunk multiple times. If anyone knows how I can rewrite that, just tell me. Thanks! **Read and Review!!!**

**Disclaimer******I got a letter! It said that I own Life with Derek. I looked at who it was from, but it was from Dye-my-hands-yellow. I sent her an angry letter back…VV.

After a couple of days of contemplating, while packing her things into boxes, she decided to talk to Derek. He had never given up on her. That, she thought, deserved some kind of explanation, even though it was nearly a year later. Casey took in a deep breath and sat on her bed. _What am I going to say to him? After all this time…_ Tears started to well up in her eyes. She hadn't cried since she cut herself. It was some kind of 'release' for her, and the depression medication did kind of help she admitted. It was weird to feel the sensation of a tear. It fell slowly, but she wiped it away.

_I haven't talked to him about this before…Should I just start from the beginning? Should I even be doing this? _She looked around her room. Casey was going to move out in a couple of weeks. Her father had gotten her an apartment and agreed to help her pay for it till she was completely on her feet. He knew that Casey wouldn't mooch off of him.

Casey sighed. She was thinking too much. And Derek's voice popped in her head. _Just talk to me. It doesn't have to be eloquent for me to be able to understand. _She smiled. Imaginary Derek always knew the right words.

Quietly she walked out of her room and knocked on his door. His music was blasting, so she walked in and closed the door behind her. Derek's computer was moved next to the window now. He was facing it, hunched over. Silently she crept up behind him to read what he was writing.

_Journal: June 13__th__, 2009. _

_I have dealt without Casey's kiss for a year, but I can still feel her when I sleep. Love sucks so much. I didn't think I would ever fall for anyone, and now that I have I don't know if I mind it. I know Casey still loves me, or she wouldn't look at me the way she does. We do still talk, but we never talk about us. _

_It's alright though. I think I understand. I_

"No Derek. I don't think you do." He jumped and turned to face her. His face was red, and tears were forming, but he didn't cry. A sudden smile formed on his face. _Am I sure I want to do this? _

"Tell me Casey." Derek was looking up at her intently, waiting for her to tell him. She walked over to the bed, trying to put distance between them. For a moment, she thought she was going to kiss him.

"Derek. When you came to me with those drugs…I didn't know what to do. I know now what I could've done to avoid what happened with Jake. First I thought it was my fault. Then I thought it was yours. Now, I think it's my fault." He got up and sat next to her on the bed. "I shouldn't have gone. It was so horrible, and I still have nightmares about him. I'm afraid that he's going to find me and try to finish the job. I know that sounds ridiculous but-"

"He can't. I put him in jail." Casey eyes darted towards his.

"What? How?"

"After Nora died, and my withdrawals stopped, I decided to act on my promise to you." Casey rolled her eyes. "I sent in an anonymous tip and now he's in jail for A LOT of years. He had 2 million dollars worth of cocaine and heroine in his attic." Her eyes widened. "Yeah. You're safe. Continue." She took a deep breath. _Do I want to continue? _

"When you and I kissed, it was wonderful and horrible. I didn't know if I should have been doing that. I was attracted to you, but you were vulnerable, but you apologized because I was vulnerable. We were both vulnerable. I felt sick and happy. I hated it, and loved it. I tried to not keep doing what we were doing, but it wasn't working. I talked to Sam about the cocaine…I didn't tell him that it was because of you though. I made up a lie, but I can't remember it. It's been so long."

"Thank you Casey." He said solemnly.

"I went to the church and I used the confessional. The priest pretty much told me that I wasn't supposed to do anything with you because we are steps…but it's not incest to be in love with you…as long as I didn't act on it. But the more I resisted, the more I did. It led up to us having sex. Not that it wasn't good, but I felt bad for loving you. Yes…I loved you. I hoped you loved me, but I didn't think you were the type. Till you said it to me. That shocked me." He put and arm around her and smiled again. "Then when we found out Nora was going to die and all I could think about how it was my fault for praying for a sign." He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"A sign? For what?"

"I prayed for a sign if you and I should be together. Every night, for a week. I expected something like a divorce or nothing at all. Not death…" She started to cry, and Derek tried to find something to say, but he couldn't. Through her cries she yelled out, "And all I thought about when I was mutilating my legs was 'this is all my fault, this is all my fault'." Her sobs and words became so intermingled that she just stopped trying to talk. Derek and Casey were hugging each other so tight that it hurt, but she felt safer and happier than she had in a long time. She remembered the feeling from the time he hugged her when she ran home from Jake's house.

Derek slightly kissed her neck, and she kissed his back. Soon after, their lips meshed violently. It had been so long since either of them had kissed. Their hands roamed quickly, and their hair was frazzled as their hands washed through them. He tasted even better than she remembered. Trying so hard to part from him, she found that she couldn't. He was biting her neck and her mouth was opened wide. She looked toward the door and saw Edwin standing there with his eyes wide open. Quickly, she pushed Derek off her.

"Lizzie wasn't lying." He said almost inaudibly. Derek smirked at him, obviously not worried at all.


	23. It's you that gets me high

**Author's Note******This is the last chapter, so merry end! I hope you enjoyed it! I would like to thank EVERYONE who reviewed my story while I was writing it. You guys were contributing to some of my inspiration! I love you guys! I would also like to thank reviewers in the future, because even though it was finished I could still look back to those reviews for tips!

**Disclaimer******Dye-my-hands-yellow and Dye-my-hands-violet would like to present to you a skit for Life with Derek. Derek walks confidently towards Dye-my-hands-violet. He hands a piece of paper to her, and smirks. She opens it and jumps with excitement. Eager to know what it is, Dye-my-hands yellow snatches the paper from her and looks at it. It was a signed document of the makers of Life with Derek handing it all over to Dye-my-hands-violet. In a rage Dye-my-hands-yellow tore it to shreds. And that was the day that I almost owned Life with Derek. I guess I just don't own it and I never will. I'll one day get my sister, no worries!!

Edwin was still staring at them blankly. Casey started to say something, but Derek grabbed her hand and in a rush, Derek ran down the stairs, tugging her the whole way. He took her and stood her in front of his dad. George looked up at them in pure confusion, and Casey's expression wasn't much different. Derek made Casey face him.

"Derek what is this all-"Casey couldn't finish her sentence because Derek placed his lips hard on her, causing her to bend backwards. Her eyes closed, and she put her hand on his cheek. Their mouths didn't open, but that was ok. Casey opened her eyes, and took her lips from Derek.

"Dad, I am crazy about her, and I still haven't figured out why." He said pointing a finger at her, and facing George. Casey was staring at Lizzie who was on the stairs, smiling. George didn't say anything for a few minutes. The look of shock on his face was priceless and Casey couldn't hold back a chuckle.

"Well…I now see why you haven't been with a girl for the past year or so…Err…Um…" He mumbled a few things to himself. "I don't know what to say Derek."

"Say…Say that I can be with her…And that you'll be ok with it." George wasn't looking at them. He was looking at the three kids on the stairs.

"What do you guys think?" He said. Marti smiled.

"Smerek and Casey, sitting' in a tree!" She had grown a lot, but she was still the same Marti.

"Yeah man, let 'em go for it!" Edwin exclaimed.

"Casey is smiling. She hasn't smiled like that in so long. I think they _have _to be together." Casey blushed at Lizzie's comment. Derek looked at her and smirked. _My Derek…_

"You don't really need my permission do you?" George said, smiling at them. Casey knew what his answer would be. Derek shook his head 'yes'. "You have it guys." Casey jumped on Derek, making him lose balance. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she was deliriously happy. Their eyes locked, and Derek wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her.

"Derek." Casey said when their lips parted.

"Yes?"

"When I move, I want you to come with me." Derek smirked and looked at his dad. George nodded his head.

"Edwin, pack my things." Derek said while looking in Casey's eyes. She made an angry face. "Fine, I'll pay you." Casey raised her eyebrows. "Scratch that, will you help me pack my things?" She smiled.

"Sure thing bro!"

And from there, everything felt better and better. Casey and Derek moved into the apartment. The 'house' warming party that George threw them was amazing. They got so many gifts, such as dishes and paintings. Her aunt gave them a couch. That party is where they told everyone in their family that they were together. Some of them weren't so open to the idea, but it didn't matter so much because they couldn't do anything about it.

Casey got over her depression. She and Derek, for the most part, got along, but they did have their fights, but when they made up…They _really _made up.

One night in November, three years into college, Casey missed her period. She took a pregnancy test and found it was positive. Frightened she told Lizzie. Lizzie said to tell Derek, because he was obviously the father.

When she told him, she explained that she could give it up for adoption if he didn't want them to have the baby. He tried to tell her that it would be okay, but she didn't believe him. Derek walked out of the room and came back with a small box.

"Casey, I was saving this till Christmas. I am giving it to you now; to show you how serious I am about you and this baby." He got down on one knee and opened it. Inside was a diamond engagement ring. She smacked him and stood up.

"Quit joking!" He stood up, confused, and rubbing his cheek.

"Casey, I wouldn't do something like this if I wasn't serious."

"Remember when we talked about marriage, you said you weren't sure if you would ever be ready!" He put his hands on her shoulders.

"I know now that I am! Marry me Casey!" She looked at him and didn't say anything. "I don't know what I would do if I lived a day without you. You are my drug. It's _you_ that gets me high. It always has been." She smiled and kissed him. He slipped the ring on her finger and dropped the box.

They had sex on the living room floor. It was her way of saying 'yes'.

**The End!!! **

**Woo. I thought I may never finish it. I hope you guys enjoyed reading it! I know that I enjoyed writing it! I will always love reviews, no matter how old this story gets. So review if you loved it, review if you hated it! **


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